frylime: a quasi-medical autobiography

don't hate me!

2012-02-07T09:47:00.001-06:00

ok, an update. i find that it's getting harder to find time to blog, but i digress...

ABSITE was alright, i hope i got above 30th percentile...that's what my program uses as their cutoff for remediation, basically a "pass/fail" measure. we'll see...scores should be back by the end of the month. the past 2 weekends have thus been quite celebratory in nature, and i'm doing a self imposed liver detox now to make up for all my bad behavior, ha!

my hospital has this wellness campaign right now and we all got fitbits! they're fancy pedometers, and they have that wii technology in them so they can tell if you're walking, running, jumping, going up stairs, etc. i'm interested to see how much i can walk around. tonight i'm on ED call, so we'll see! the website lets you add your food eaten and all so you can do calorie counts, but i predict i'll be too lazy to input that stuff. i'm more interested in the mileage, etc.

so as to my goal of reading all of greenfield's...1 chapter down! hahaha!

i presented my first M&M last week. gallstone pancreatitis...patient had a lap chole but then ended up with a retained stone about 3 months postop. i was so nervous before the talk! we had just switched to a different presentation style, 5 slides, 1 article. i said my piece, presented my article, and then BAM, all the various attendings in the hall started talking about their views and experiences and blah blah blah...basically, my presentation and article had inspired a lot of talk and that is viewed as EXCELLENT JOB. even some of my fellow residents chimed in! yes! also, i'm so happy that there was a podium i could hide behind...my hands were shaking really bad. but now that i'm done with my first one, and know the routine, the next ones shouldn't be bad at all. and then some of my upper levels told me i did a good job afterwards...now THAT makes me happy. and then throughout the day some attendings STILL kept telling me their tidbits. it was like i had entered into some "secret club" or something. like i was telling H, that day was a great "professional" day for me...and we celebrated by eating some fabulous italian food. yums.

so now my total cases is about 150. i almost have a 100 majors woo woo!

ok, i will try to update more often. i really do appreciate ya'll that stop by and check on the ol' blog. it's hard to believe sometimes that i've had this thing since 2006!

absite

2012-01-27T20:04:00.002-06:00

absite. tomorrow. aaak!

happy new year

2012-01-04T11:36:00.000-06:00

holiday schedule almost kicked my butt...but all in all not so bad. i finally have my central line numbers! and the other day on call i got fem sticks on an essentially dead person...no pulse for my landmark and the code team was doing CPR, so i was proud of myself for finding blood on my first stick. so it was nice when i had to do one on a living patient in the trauma bay that i also got that one on my first stick as well.

everybody's been talking about resolutions. i'll throw some of mine out there...

exercise at least once a week (which is going to be hard, believe you me)
cook more
read the entirety of greenfield's this year (might as well set lofty goals...haha)

so there you go. reflecting on the last year, it's kind of amazing to see where i am now. i can't believe intern year is half over, and i guess i'm not as bad as i think i am. i hope by now the other residents feel that they can trust me, at least with the little things. i've become more confident in my "this shit is bad" sense, ha. i do need to work on my confidence level and speak more authoritatively. i do need to become more efficient...i know i have, but it's still a long road. i refuse to compromise thoroughness, and i won't apologize for that.

right now H and i are looking at possibly buying a house vs. renting...it's weird thinking about "grown up" things. a part of me is afraid to do anything until i get my ABSITE score back...and oh yeah that test is jan 28. puke. (after i finish this blog entry i'll be doing a practice test to scare myself.)

i'm happy where i am. sure, it sucks to not see friends and family, or to not see H in 36+ hours at a time, but i do enjoy my job. it sucks also when you have edema around your ankles after a long day, and i should probably invest in some support hose while i'm thinking about it. and my back hurts a lot, but the free massages through my insurance help out! it super sucks when a chief calls you out on a mistake or your omission of important facts, but you just have to realize they want you to become a "bad ass" to quote the words of one of my chiefs. (Frylime, i don't want you to become a good surgeon, i want you to be a bad ass!) ok then! i'm trying! really hard!

so excuse me for a bit while i go cram some ABSITE. i'll try to update more and be better about commenting.

time for an update...

2011-12-04T09:37:00.001-06:00

i suppose it has been a while...i've been loving plastics! i got to do my first skin graft the other day...actually, got to harvest a full thickness skin graft on one patient, and then got to harvest a split thickness graft with the dermatome. fun times! i also got to close up an open appy the other night on call, first time suturing peritoneum, woo hoo!

now my total major cases number is 53! yay! and i have all my plastics numbers now, and i'm nearly finished with my breast/skin/soft tissue numbers too. i've been getting some good feedback from attendings, and that makes me feel like i'm improving. at least i can suture alright and whatnot, ha.

i have two med students with me on plastics and they are great. let me tell you...having good med students that are INDEPENDENT or at least can think on their own and are not so needy, they are worth their weight in gold! obviously people have to start somewhere, but it's awesome to see these students who don't really know how to suture or tie knots, etc, and then you take them through closing a wound and they do great.

i've been working on knitting a scarf, hopefully i'll be done soon enough because it is cold as $@^% up here! and it's not even REAL WINTER YET. boo!!! H and i bought tickets for christmas to go home...so that will be nice. get some good southern cooking!

oh and we've had several interview groups come through, and omg it is such a big deal to me! i wish i could personally interview everyone...because now that i'm on the other side of the fence...i want someone that i can trust to not screw up with my patients. i want a new intern class that will show up to call ON TIME. i want an intern who knows when he/she is over their head and needs help, versus "i'll try to fix this on my own". i want someone who is a team player and someone who i can say "hey let's go grab some food and a beer and hang out" or whatever. and then the match is so random anyway. alas! but i have met a few people that i get good vibes from...i've only been able to go to one interview dinner because of call duties, but those are SO IMPORTANT! so please go if you're interviewing!!! you get the residents' undivided attention and can get all the scoop on a program!

so yes, i'm surviving, life is good. i'm freaking out about ABSITE, but i've got some study group action going on...and let me tell you...studying infectious disease for surgical patients while drinking some good pinot noir is the way to do it!

and with that, i should study/nap/blah because i'm on call tonight. and with my luck the past few calls, i'll be slammed. fun times!

post vacation!

2011-11-12T09:57:00.001-06:00

so i have gone forth and vacationed! and it was lovely!

H and i went down to florida and had a wonderful time in the SUN and being OUTSIDE and only needing to wear FLIP FLOPS and TANK TOPS. so nice! then we came back home and were assaulted by the cold. alas!

i start plastics on monday, yay!

i have an ABSITE study group that i'm working with...we're meeting early afternoon so i need to finish ~~cramming~~ reading for it.

so on vacation we ate some fabulous food...cuban food, venezuelan food, korean food, trendy sushi bar food! i shopped at the outlets...got 2 pairs of shoes, 2 wool sweaters, 2 dresses, 2 pants...a pair of jeans and some pj pants. so yeah, i shopped a lot, but considering that i haven't shopped for myself (other than the procurement of long underwears and wool socks!) in a while, i feel ok with that. plus it was all on major sale woo woo! the rate i'm going with residency, i won't shop again until next year, ha.

i finally updated my i.phone to the new software and i do suppose it's faster...

this week we have a group of interviewees coming through and i'm so excited! i did a tour for our first group before the vacation and it was so much fun...and i appreciated that 2 of them sent thank you emails. so internet world of interviewing med students...just know that THIS resident appreciates the emails. and yes, i emailed them back too. so this week we can go to the night before dinner and it's at this fancy place that is delicious, so excited about that too. i'm looking forward to meeting more people...i want to make sure we get good folks for sure.

ok, enough with the blogging, i need to study! and hopefully posting will be more regular now that i'm starting back on plastics...my last rotation was ROUGH to say the least. if there are any questions people want answered, just holla, i'll do my best!

chao chao!

one more week until vacation!

2011-10-30T17:44:00.003-05:00

yay! exciting!

also, now i've taken two gallbladders off of the liver bed, woo woo! and it's a lot harder than it looks. so shame on me for all those instances of OMG WHY ARE THEY TAKING FOREVER IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT APPEARING...well, i have been put in my place.

yesterday i experienced driving through crazy snow for the first time, and let me tell you, HARD. surprisingly, no traumas at all!

i didn't think i would be looking forward to vacation this intensely...my parents are coming up to visit so we'll have about 48 hours of togetherness before H and i go down to FLORIDA! yay!!! then a whole week of fun! and SLEEPING! omg!!!

also, i have now started to freak out about the ABSITE...that's our annual exam that we take on jan 31. these tests...they are never ending it seems.

so now i have 40 major cases, i am quite excited about that. i do plastics again after i come back from vacation, so i'm hoping to at least be over 50 by the end of the calendar year. my program coordinator says i should have at least 100 cases by the end of intern year, which it seems will be a small number compared to what the upper levels got when they were interns...basically the 16 hour work restrictions have really decreased the cases we get. in my residency you operate like crazy from the get go. but peeking ahead in my schedule i have 2 months of rotation with outgoing chiefs so hopefully they will have gotten "senioritis" and let me do everything!

hope the internet world is treating everyone well...holla!

central line

2011-10-18T20:49:00.003-05:00

today i put in a central line...left subclavian, first stick, WAHOO! and no dropped lung!

there are some days where i have to take everything one step at a time and look at the overall positive/negative balance...today a lot of shit went down, but a lot of good things happened too. so i would say even though today was a bit bipolar feeling for me, overall it was good. at least i can reflect on the day's events and be proud of my actions, or learn from my mistakes, or know that i did the best that i could in the given situations. like i tell my students, "you want to be able to sleep at night". grace under fire. and thank goodness i have H to keep me grounded.

i started a new service on monday. a lot of foregut surgery (gastric bypass, etc) and surg onc. assisted on my first thyroidectomy today. fun times.

and now i should sleep...

short notes...

2011-10-05T19:09:00.002-05:00

just wanted to document that today i did my first ever laparoscopic dissection of the cystic artery and duct on a gallbladder! and put the clips on and cut and everything! yay! and i got to sew some fascia (on another case), and on yet another case i got to sew on some colostomy. fun times!

in other news i'm still quite sleep deprived, but it's all good. i love my job! even when people piss me off! and i'm tired! and it smells like poop! hahaha...!

hope all is well in internet land...i should do a good post soon. until then, i need to cram for this friday's educational session...

chugging along

2011-09-21T10:08:00.003-05:00

still doing alright. today i am "pre call", so i went in to round and start the orders of the day. now i am at home doing reading. go in later today for call. i do ED call today, meaning i take the consults coming from the emergency folks. last time it was pretty fun, so i'm hoping it's ok tonight.

i feel like i'm getting the hang of things better. not as scared to order a full workup for whatever reason. trying to work on being more assertive, learning how to relay information more succinctly. getting my med students to do good work, trying to not do too much hand holding.

i have this reputation now amongst my co-interns as being the REGULATOR (hahaha!) when it comes to the students. all i have to say is that when i was a student (don't i sound like an old timer?) i was busted on by residents, and i'm not trying to perpetuate any bad cycles, but goodness, you are in SCHOOL and need to LEARN. is that too much to ask for? i saw a student stand by idly while a nurse was telling a co-resident "i can't get in touch with resident ___, but their patient is having acute onset of chest pain". the student pipes up "oh yeah, that's my patient, and they told me they were having chest pain". i asked the student "have you told your resident about this?" "oh no, not yet, i was just waiting for when we rounded later". "WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD YOUR RESIDENT THAT THIS PERSON IS HAVING CHEST PAIN THEY COULD BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!" "oh, i guess i'll call them now..." no worries, the patient was taken care of, but do you catch my drift? i remember what it was like as a new M3, but you have to learn how to think independently after a while...or at least know to call up the chain!

so that is that...i'm going to do some reading and go on about my business. just know that even though i'm working hard, i still love my job! and i enjoy my med students too, hahaha...just have to whip them into proper shape!

on general surgery

2011-09-05T16:58:00.003-05:00

i promise i'm alive, just busy. i'm on gen surg now, and i've gotten to first assist two lap cholecystectomies! not as much operating as when i was on plastics, but also my call schedule has been irritating...between pre-call and post-call i miss a lot of OR time. alas.

it rains a lot where i'm at...i swear! dreary labor day, but at least i'm not at the hospital! i went in this morning to round, but my awesome attending had already started and expressed surprise that i was there so early. (she had to come in to do an ex-lap and was like, why don't i start rounding because i got to get it over with anyway. nice.) so i got out a lot earlier than i thought. tomorrow's going to suck though, blah.

trying to decide what to make for dinner...the other day H and i ate the one bell pepper my plant grew! and it was damn delicious! today i got a 6-pack of baby cabbage plants so i'm going to try my hand at growing cabbages in individual pots, ha! i have plenty of serrano peppers growing, just need to remember to use them. but the cabbage...super excited about that! i hope they turn out. i saw a fig tree and i wanted one SO BAD but H said i couldn't get it...ha.

so this week is going to be fun. i get to do ED call tomorrow night! that means i answer all the consults in the ED versus hold down the floor. which will be a nice change. hopefully it doesn't suck too bad. (you just have to do a lot of calling attendings.) then we have a fancy dinner thursday night for a lecture series on friday morning. then i have my "24 hour period off" starting after rounding on saturday! call sunday night, blah, but what can you do?

ok, i need food now, so off to the store! just wanted to drop an update.

OH, also, the other day i did a rectal exam on a patient who we had been consulted on for a small bowel obstruction but was having diarrhea. and when i looked at the butt there was a whole baby carrot down there! a good three inches or so of carrot! like, it had gone all the way through the GI tract and out the other end with a small bit of nibbling...! and no, i don't think the person stuck it their based on their large habitus...i just imagine that would have been hard to do. so i don't think they were as obstructed as the primary team thought...ha! enjoy your carrots today!

end of plastics, round 1

2011-08-21T09:13:00.003-05:00

so i am done with my plastics rotation, for now. tomorrow i start an 8 week stint on a general surgery service. fun fun. and i'm on call tonight, fun.

i've had a great weekend with H and co-intern J. fun times. good food, good wine and beer, couldn't ask for more. looked at a house (because buying would be good in the future), but then realized that we're not quite sure at what we want. haha. alas! can't buy until later anyway, silly 1 year lease!

so we're getting ready to go somewhere to coffee-fy ourselves and study. i need to do a good bit of reading (because it's good for you!) and then eat a nice meal and take a nap. i always try to nap a tiny bit before an evening call shift, but i know i won't have that luxury next year. and i need to call my intern that was on service before me so i know what's up.

hope everyone's having a great day!

halfway through plastics

2011-08-07T11:24:00.003-05:00

2nd week better than 1rst week. isn't that how it's supposed to be? and my formative eval half way through said "doing well. pleasure to work with." BOO-YAH! granted, it was just one opinion out of 4 that i should get, but can't beat that!

one of the things that i've been learning about during residency is how to navigate through the politics. i'm still just the lowly intern, not expected to know anything or do stuff right, and i'm shielded from a lot of the politicking, but i can still feel the effects from time to time. i just do my best to stay above it and not get sucked in...and that actually for me is not too hard. maybe it's my southern roots, but i'm used to "playing the game", ha! and as a med student i got really good at "hearing without listening". if that makes any sense.

alright, on to the good stuff! things i learned and worked on this week:

how to properly use the bovie to remove large chunks of flesh! and the importance of not plowing through as to not miss the big vessels that will bleed and obscure your view. (i definitely learned that one quickly!)
suturing! got to close tons of skin for 2 breast reduction cases. and there was that panniculectomy that i did a ton of sewing on too.
taught my med student how to do 2-handed ties...apparently not all surgery rotations are the same, and where she rotated at last didn't show her how to tie with two hands! the travesty! but now she's a pro, and that's what matters. (note to all med students: as a 3rd year at least, NEVER USE A ONE HAND TIE IN THE OR, especially in front of an attending. two hand ties only until you are proven worthy enough for the one hand tie.)
did my first I&D...incision and drainage to all the non-med people. it was quite a big one and under a fair amount of tension too. aspirated about 20cc worth of fluid first before making the cut, and then there was still so much in there. very satisfying. mostly seroma, but there was purulence too. i think the patient is going to feel so much better.
cut off some NUBBINS! ok, extra digits, but i think nubbins is so much more accurate. had a baby with bilateral postaxial polydactyly. tied off the nubbins, snip snip, and bam! nubbin free! (and yes, it was so weird to be holding a little nubbin with a fingernail on it post snippage! and my attending thought i was hilarious since i was getting grossed out. i know, surgeon getting grossed out, who would have thought...)

ok, and i'll leave y'all with that. on call again tonight, blah! at least we don't have any OR cases tomorrow so i won't be missing out on the fun!

plastics

2011-07-29T19:47:00.003-05:00

so now i've been on plastics for one week. got to a rough start, but i think things are smoother now. i'm the only resident on, so that means more responsibility, but also tons of OR time! i've finally gotten to scrub into cases and do some suturing (and of course a ton of retracting). i'm starting to get the hang of the different styles of the attendings, and am officially on texting basis with one of them.

this week has been tough, but i think next week will be better. it's always better after you know the schedule and what's expected of you. and i think that as an intern, i'm not expected to know or do everything perfectly, but of course i am expected to acknowledge where i'm wrong or need improving and fix it for next time.

i've heard that med school is like "drinking water out of a fire hose", but apparently the person who applied that phrase never went to residency. i know that i'm never going to know enough, but i'm looking forward to when at least i'll know how to do all the paperwork shuffles and all that kind of stuff. because knowing how to navigate the system saves so much time, and seconds are precious.

i was on call last night, and it wasn't that bad actually. i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of everything...i'm comfortable handling more and more on my own. i'm getting better at managing post op pain. people that need to pee? straight cath! haha! critical values? NOTED! people wigging out and spazzing? CONSOLED! see? not so hard...it's nice that i have excellent co-residents and i must say that overall i'm quite impressed with the nursing staff too.

so let me put these two last things down...today i got two compliments, and they made my day. thus, documentation on le blog for INTERNET ETERNITY. one of my senior residents told all the other ones during our administrative time that he thought i did a great job getting sign outs from all the teams, and that i "aggressively" sought out people to get sign out by calling them up and inquiring on their statuses. (we have been having some issues of people not getting/giving sign out to the on call folks, and i have made it a personal goal of mine to try and do good sign out and then when i'm on call to get good sign out. because how the heck am i supposed to know what's going on if i haven't gotten sign out?) so that made me feel good.

second thing...one of the patients we did a flap closure of a wound on had gotten his jp drain clogged up for whatever reason. i sewed the drain in, and i probably did it too tight so i thought that was the problem. the attending told me to go and fix it, so i gathered up my supplies, numbed up the patient, took out the old stitch, and did a little bit of blunt spreading at the incision. turns out, the incision for the drain was a skosh too tight, and my spread action worked wonders! the effect was immediate, we had drainage, and i was like YEAH I FIXED THAT SHIT! sewed the drain back in (looser this time), added some mesentery tape to keep everything in place and put the the dressing back on. called the attending, wrote my note. and i know that fixing a clogged drain is NOT the hardest thing ever, but it was something that i did by myself and felt comfortable and confident in doing so. and then this morning the attending told me "strong work on that drain!". yes. strong work indeed!

and since a lot of my days are spent going "omg i just screwed up" or feeling a bit overwhelmed, i try to focus on some of the good things that are going on. the joys of intern year.

and now i will go to bed soon, since being post call is AWESOME. but i have to work in the morning, alas. holla!

all in a day

2011-07-18T20:24:00.003-05:00

you know what sucks? telling people they have cancer. actually, telling people they *might* have cancer also sucks. alas. someone has to do it and someone has to try to fix it.

also, i have seen so many boobs lately, it's killing me! breast surgery is definitely not in my future. obviously it's something i need to learn and i want to learn so i can treat my patients and help them overcome their illnesses, but to say "i want to do a fellowship in breast and devote my whole life to being a breast surgeon!", NO WAY. at least for now. ask me again in a couple of years. but the past few weeks i have seen perky boobs and saggy boobs, old boobs young boobs, wrinkly boobs, rotting out looking boobs, funky implant boobs...just too many boobs! and i'm just on a general surgery service! too many boobs!

anyone out there love jamaica tea as much as i do? i just can't get enough! (hibiscus for all you english-only folks.)

i'm going to go bed early tonight...today was a long day. rounding, clinic, anxiety, blah! but early is relative...probably that means around 10:30pm...up at 4:15am ugh. and i need to read on parathyroid and thyroid glands. joyful!

and then there was internet...

2011-07-16T10:41:00.002-05:00

imagine my happiness when i got home last night and found myself WITH INTERNET. omg. yay. FINALLY. now i can do questions and read and look up crap and play and all those other things AT HOME. and not have to stay at the hospital (in my call room) and do internetty things.

intern year so far so well. wonderful co-residents. getting a hang of the floor. i can discharge people. i can write orders. i've done 2 procedures...shaved off some warty things and did a punch biopsy. only been into the OR once to "watch" an excision of a melanoma and sentinal node biopsy (while scrubbed), but that's ok. the service i'm on, plus the weird timing of various courses that i had to do kept me out of the OR. plus i have to put out fires on the floor, right? in a week i'll be starting plastics where i'll be the only resident for the whole month. i think i'll get plenty of OR time then. it's all good.

i have found an absolutely fabulous vietnamese restaurant in town. i've been there twice in the last 3 days. the owner was like YOU'RE BACK last night, and i just laughed. and what's so nice about the hospital feeding me so much is that i feel like i can splurge a bit when i do pay for my own food...which is good and bad i suppose.

i am finding that i feel more in my element. i'm not perfect, and that will obviously take a while (ha!), so my goal for each day is "if i'm going to screw up, i want it to be on the least meaningful/important thing". so usually it's that i haven't called someone "fast enough" for my attending's liking, or i missed a form i was supposed to sign (but i'll get called about that by nurses or social work etc., so no problems really). i've gotten good at writing down my checklists, and thank goodness that we have a computerized ordering system so i can sit in one place and put in my orders anywhere. as far as i can tell i haven't made any medical errors, and i always call "up the chain". for example, on call, when i get paged, i go see the patient, formulate my plan, call an upper level (they told us to do this nearly 100% of the time for at least the first few weeks), confirm/change plan, and then enact plan and write a note. then i'll update that team's signout info online. the key is SEEING THE PATIENT. one of my co-interns already got a little burned for not doing that. lesson learned. the second key is already having my own plan. that way the upper level doesn't think i'm lazy and i can learn...maybe i have the correct plan, or maybe it should be changed, or maybe i'm right but that particular attending likes things a certain way. things that i wouldn't know necessarily, but i'm learning now.

in life outside the hospital news, my serrano pepper plant has been making peppers. which i haven't had a chance to eat yet. alas. and my bell pepper plant has FINALLY decided to grow a pepper, despite many flowers. the key lime tree is growing nice and bushy...apparently he really enjoys the new weather conditions. (that makes me happy, because i thought he was going to die a few months ago, and now he's looking so well!) the kitchen has been set up (first room i did), the bedroom is fine. no couches yet, so the living room area is just coffee tables and boxes, and the 2nd bedroom/office is still empty. H is making his way up here soon, so i'm really excited about that. and since this is my GOLDEN WEEKEND, tomorrow will be "cleaning day" and "making room for more crap day". yay!

today i'm going to go to some local markets with a few of my new resident friends. and then depending on if my friend A is up for a visit, i'll drive to visit her (about an hour away)...she's on a really busy ICU month so i'm going to leave the visiting up to her. a note about the markets...I LOVE THEM. there are so many around where i am so i just take my cooler with some ice and go ahead. bring cash, i've learned. i've been able to eat some of the best fruit and find some excellent cheese and all that fun stuff. maybe today i'll get some meat or something to cook for tomorrow. definitely will get some wine.

ok interwebs...i'm back online at home so hopefully the posts will be increased. and if there's anything you want me to talk about, just ask! thanks for bearing with me.

first real day

2011-07-03T10:09:00.003-05:00

just a quick post to document the following:

first order written: urinalysis with culture.

first script written: clotrimazole cream, apply to va-jay-jay twice daily.

seriously?

i thought my first script would be something PROFOUND, and i don't even know what a profound medicine would be, but not yeast infection crap. alas. such is the life of the intern.

so now i don't have to be back in the hospital until 6pm tomorrow for call. however, i'm in my call room (on my own time, not reporting this for duty hours durrrrrr) because i still have no internet at home. and i still have to do shit online. and i'm tired of having to pay money to use wifi at a restaurant. and i don't want to squat at someone's house to internet (even though my lovely co-residents have offered, i just hate being a burden). so i'm here. and i will stay here until i am starving and then go home to eat.

also, i swapped down a size in scrubs so things would fit better, but apparently i have a big ass. but the scrubs fit beautifully everywhere else. so now i have to decide...keep the "fits everywhere nicely but the ass" scrubs, or switch back to the "swimming inside giganto scrubs". at least with the smaller pair i never have to worry about the scrubs falling down after getting accidentally untied, but then it sucks to realize the reason they won't fall down is because the ass singlehandedly is keeping them up. joy.

work time! then eating time, then nap time? reading time? blah!

alive, i promise

2011-06-27T19:47:00.003-05:00

i don't have internets at my apartment yet. therefore, lack of posts. also therefore, extreme frustration at the inability to do ANYTHING online. and all my curriculum is online. boo!

co-interns are cool. it's really easy to pick out everyone in their specialties...the emergency folks are like hyper little puppies, the medicine folks talk all nerdy, and us surgeons are the grumpy ones in the back row trying not to fall asleep...ha!

doing ACLS right now. have to do a critical care medicine course at the end of the week, which means i will be doing a lot of reading this week. i took a nap after i got home from work today because i had been up since the buttcrack of dawn driving to the airport and back, but it was worth it for H! i'm going to have to train my family to stop phone bombing me though...it's hard to take naps that way.

i found out my call schedule for this month...first day on call is fourth of july. how patriotic. hopefully i don't screw up too badly.

more updates as i get more interwebs...landlord says "maybe this week". boo.

farmers markets!

2011-06-14T15:35:00.003-05:00

today i took a trip to a market to see what all the hubbub was about...and left with tons of lovely produce for CHEAP! quite exciting. $2 for 6 orange and red bell peppers. $1 for 5 guavas (my splurge, ha!). $1 for 4 lovely limes. $2 for 6 huge apricots. 50 cents for a huge chunk of ginger root. $7 for 2 pounds of local cherries (ok, my second splurge!) and then of course i had to get some pastries...apple danish (already devoured) and a sticky bun (for tomorrow). my fridge looks absolutely fantastical. then i found a korean restaurant about 15 minutes away from my apartment! and i ate there! i had squid! it was GLORIOUS!!! so yeah, things are looking a bit better these days.

so far i've unpacked my kitchen and my bathroom. everything else is pretty much still boxed, but i've arranged everything to where it doesn't seem so train-wrecky. i bought some plants to decorate my kitchen...lemon balm, rosemary, and basil. i also got a serrano pepper plant and a bell pepper plant for the outside. and now i have to make myself not buy any more plants.

tonight i have plans to go to the ymca for a yoga class. i went and got my own yoga mat today too, because i checked out the mats they had and they were kind of grody. plus then i can do some good yoga at home without sliding around on the tile floor.

still learning about IV fluids. i'm getting a bit nervous about starting everything...i start off doing a general surgery month for the underinsured, yay! but i'm the only intern who hasn't done a prelim year, so i just feel so far behind. it will work out of course, and i'm going to be studying and learning. but still, aaaack!

and i can read my own ppd now because i'm a DOCTOR. isn't that crazy?

trying to get settled

2011-06-11T15:52:00.002-05:00

so i'm in my new place. it's going to be nice...i say "going to be" because all my crap is everywhere, i am having to clean like crazy (the former tenant had a cat and a dog and apparently their powers combined allow hair to go EVERYWHERE. i mean, cat hair in the FREEZER. FREEZER! how the hell does hair of animal get into the damn freezer?) and i haven't been able to unpack everything yet. insert other aggravating things that will be resolved on monday, alas. in the end though, it's a beautiful place and i'm going to enjoy living there. *crosses fingers*

today i checked out the local ymca, and now i'm at a starbucks to access the interwebz. (internet still needs to be hooked up at la casa.) i've already gotten a shopper's card for the local grocery store and made 2 trips to lowe's in the same day. i hope to have my kitchen in order tonight so that tomorrow i can make something a bit more fancy than "variation on fried rice" or "fried egg" or "cereal".

also, i learned that driving through dc/baltimore during any time of the day is inherently stupid. i had decided to split up the 16-ish hour drive from my beloved home state into 2 parts. so i visited my lovely friend K in her new state to visit her new house and other things. when it was time to leave, i just punched in my new address in the trusty gps and set off, not looking to see the exact route. apparently, that was the mistake. instead of going up the trusty i-81 and going to the KOREAN RESTAURANT, i proceeded the way of death and destruction and sat on the interstate going 2 miles in literally ONE HOUR. how the hell do people live there? i guess you just live in the city and take public transit, because how do you live when your whole day is spent just sitting in a car in the 100 degree weather on the interstate with NO ESCAPE. alas.

i am happy because H has booked his tickets to come visit me at the end of this month! yay! and K and Z are coming next weekend (OR ELSE) to visit! and then some other people are to visit at the end of july, but that's a long way from now. i guess i won't be crawling out of my skin when i start working and have things unpacked, but ugh, i am getting annoyed/discouraged/irritated by all the cleaning i am having to do just to feel comfortable putting my things away. damn animal hair!

also, apparently, i am undergoing a bit of culture shock. everything is so much closer together than it is down south. people talk weird, but i'm sure i talk weird to them. the grocery store is weird, but i think i will learn to love it...they have a robust hispanic section with all the juices that i love! yay guava! i am communicating with all my friends that are scattered about the nation now, but i just feel so lonely too. it seems that nobody else going to my hospital has made it into town yet (at least the ones i've met on face.book) so there really isn't any opportunity to meet people yet. i think i'm going to join the y here, so maybe some potential there, but probably not. i don't want to be THAT GIRL that walks up to strangers on the treadmill and chats them up. and i don't want people to think i'm hitting on them, because when i spent a summer in upstate new york apparently saying "hello" to strangers means you are flirting with them, when that is completely and utterly NORMAL in the motherland. i know it's normal to feel a bit of culture shock when going anywhere, but why is it that i am feeling more of it now while still in the good ol' USA, where when i'm traveling to peru or bolivia or whatever i don't really experience it at all? that's the zillion dollar question, readers.

alright, i guess i will stop being a bum and do a section on IV fluids. blah. i am starting to hate on some sodium and potassium and must everyone always get D5 1/2 NS + 20KCl? just kidding, just trying to inject some FUN into this post!

epic update time!

2011-06-01T13:28:00.003-05:00

i am FINALLY an MD!!! five years, lots of headache, some wonderful times, cussing like a sailor, etc etc etc...

it feels good. it really does. strangely, i don't feel THAT different after prancing around in my graduation robes and receiving my diploma, but ask me again in a month. i'm sure i'll feel quite different then!

i hope to start updating more regularly. let me just tell you about my last week...i'm still not quite recovered!

wed: picked up my rental truck. loaded some stuff, H and i drive to my parents' house 45 min away. unload truck, repack truck (yay for swapping furniture!), drive to granddad's house 30 min away from parents house (and 25 min from mine). unload truck. dad is quite happy he was able to use my truck for "free", even if we were unloading ALL NIGHT LONG. ugh!

thurs: load up truck with my things. frantically. white coat ceremony that night. it was nice! i got my long white coat! with my name on it! and it says SURGERY because i'm going to be a SURGEON. yay!!!

fri: GRADUATION!!! it was so wonderful to see everyone walk! (and i must say, my school does stuff fast. they graduated 650-some odd students in less than 2 hours.) ate lunch, hopped in the truck, and H and i sped off to the great northeast.

sat: arrived to new apartment around 10pm. took 1 1/2 days of intensive driving through mountains, and i must say moving trucks don't like going up mountains! my dad, brother, and H started unloading the truck and i started cleaning like a madwoman. didn't go to bed till around 3am or so...

sun: finished up some things, replaced door locks, toured the new town for my family. no point in staying longer than we had to, so we hit the road at 3pm to come back south.

mon: arrive at my "old" apartment at 7:30am. driving all night long is tiring! commenced cleaning my old apartment.

tues: old apartment cleaned and i'm 100% outta there!

TODAY: catching up on all my interwebbing and about to get some lunch!

so there you go...my first post as a real bona fide MD!!!

omg so glad i didn't go into peds

2011-05-04T18:04:00.002-05:00

this rotation is quite nice...

one thing that weird me out about pediatricians is one minute we're discussing "mr. ___ is a 2 year old boy with blah blah blah", the next minute we walk into the patient's room and all of a sudden "HEWWOW THERE WIDDLE BOY! AWENT YOU SO CUUUUUUTE!" and so on and so forth. this type of behavior is exhibited by both the male and female pediatricians, and it freaks me out.

also, chicken pox is a reportable disease now? apparently i am old.

operation PACK UP DA HOUSE is not doing so well. H has just informed me that my packing methodology is incorrect, alas. (he means well, haha!) so now i have to regroup. but at least i can drink a yuengling at the same time...

my graduation announcements FINALLY came in the mail today...and then i realized i has no stamps. so tonight i will go to the stamp place and try to get the most bizarre stamps possible for to stamp my announcements. (i remember once i got bat stamps, and they were so cool!)

also last night i went to a friend's super awesome apartment and he made HOT POT for us! (apparently a taiwanese thing.) you boil water in a pot and drop different vegetables and meats in it in various "rounds", and then at the end you throw in bean noodles and it is so good! so you eat a round of veggies, and then you "rest" while the meats are cooking and then you just eat and eat and eat and it's just delicious. i am so inspired, i will have to do the same once i'm settled in new place.

ok, so i will go and pack a box, go to post office, and eat mexican yumminess!

first day of last rotation!

2011-05-02T07:59:00.003-05:00

today i start peds hospitalist. let's hope that it's a breeze...woo woo!

and i'm going to start off by wearing scrubs...hopefully that will be just fine...

oh, and i hope i remember medical things, since clearly i've been a lazy butt this past month! at least i went to the beach one last time, visited my alma mater for a fun weekend, and got rid of "some" furniture...

graduation on may 27! can't wait! moving the day after! zomg!

alright, let me get ready...!

about to get to work!

2011-04-20T09:37:00.003-05:00

PACKING! woo! actually, my real goal for today is to clean up/pack up a room in my apartment. i know i can do it, so there. i have no excuse to leave my apartment today before the afternoon, so i'm going to get to it (after this blog post, ha).

i called one of my loan servicers and turns out the loans i had from my first first year of med school will be in "forbearance" until the rest of my loans use up their grace period in november. i guess they were smart enough to realize that i was a med student? who knows. the letter they sent me was automated, so i suppose that everyone gets a notice that says "you have to start paying soon", but when i called, it was "just insurance, you're in forbearance until the rest of your loans' grace period expires". well, in order to apply for forbearance for the rest of my loans, i just have to fill out some paperwork. the only catch is that i need my residency program official's signature, which i can't get now, obviously. so i'll do that in june once i'm there 100%, plenty of time before november. and just to explain forbearance, that means you have to pay just the interest earned on your loans...ALL of your loans, whether they are subsidized or not. i believe you also have the option of not paying the interest and just letting everything capitalize (add on) to your actual loan amount, but that would lead to just having to pay more in the long run. always better to be able to put down SOMETHING rather than nothing at all. deferment means the government picks up the interest earned on the subsidized loans, but not the unsubsidized loans. and since i didn't get my loans before 1993 or so, i don't qualify for deferment during residency because i'll be making too much money and i won't have any other hardship during that time. and please correct me if i'm saying something wrong, but i feel like at least inside my head i have the correct gist of things!

so here's my plan (at least for now) for loans: getting forbearance on all my loans and paying off at least the monthly interest every month on all of those loans. i have about $7,000 worth of institutional loans (through my school) that my school will waive all finance/interest fees if i pay that $7,000 off in full by certain dates next year. so i will pay those loans off in full, because why would i rack up more money from only $7,000 worth of loans? the rest amounts to about $115,000 with a fixed 6.8% interest. (that amount may sound like a lot to non-med school people, but trust me, i know i am VERY fortunate to have only racked up that much debt! my school is very economic, even for a state university.) i understand that will be a hefty monthly payment just paying off the interest every month, but even something will help in the long run.

i know there are various consolidation plans out there, but i don't want to draw out the process any longer than it should be. or maybe i'm naive about those plans. on the other hand, i know that i'm responsible enough to be able to check with all my different servicers (3 total, 4 if you count my school) and make sure everyone is paid on time.

at least i don't have to make any sudden decisions right now. blah! suggestions are welcome, if anyone has any. and yes, i've looked into IBR.

new apartment!

2011-04-18T10:27:00.003-05:00

so H and i just got back from a week trip to the NE to look for a living space. after many dead ends and "omg no ways" and general suck-i-tude, we found the PERFECT place! tile floors, huge kitchen, SKYLIGHTS, and outdoor patio, OMG! it's a place that i'm going to be happy to come home to. and cook in. and read in. and lounge in. and the best part about it...we found it through one of the rising chief's (in gen surg)...his girlfriend is in the real estate field and she knew a guy who was wanting to rent his place out to good young professional types, voila! so advertising solely through word-of-mouth. much better than other ways...that way people don't know much about it in general. and the place is really new too.

something i noticed about "up north" is that restaurants have more vegetarian selections than down here. not that i'm vegetarian, but what if i don't want meat? then i want some delicious options that don't have meat! i had the best portabella mushroom sandwich...2 grilled caps, smothered in cheese, lettuce tomato and onion, omg...it was so good.

some of our friends just had a baby, and she is so precious. 1/4 filipino, 3/4 "white"...i joked that if i had a baby, that's what she'd look like. the baby is SO asian looking! i guess asian genes really dominate, but that's ok. congrats to the new parents!

but speaking of asian genes, H and i stopped at this awesome diner in virginia on our drive back south. it's on i-81, exit 180A...fancy hill korean diner! omg the BEST. and in the middle of nowhere, ha. i got the squid bulgogi, and H got the pork bulgogi, and we shared mandu dumplings. omg, so so so so so good. i think i will eat there every time i have to drive through. and the owner was asking me about my heritage (so asian), and i replied "half korean!" and he said that i looked "90% korean". hee hee! what a compliment! next time i will have to get the bibimbap, but i am such a sucker for squid, i may not be able to try anything else! (and they have "american" dishes too, so something for everyone.)

also, we stopped by the hospital and said hello to my new program director...i think i'm going to get along great with him. he gave me a copy of a book that goes along with their new curriculum, that was quite nice of him.

so now i should ramp up the packing...alas!

moving sucks

2011-04-07T09:17:00.003-05:00

so i hate sorting. i am a closet hoarder, apparently. i do not throw anything away, EVER. well, until now! hahaha...

today my goal is to get some damage done to some of the furniture that i'm swapping with my parents. if i'm feeling especially adventurous, i'll start packing up some clothes. i also have a bridal shower to go to today, and i'm hoping that involves traditional deep south shower fare. another goal of today is to NOT EAT A FRIED EGG. omg...i am so obsessed. maybe i'll do tofu instead.

i am adjusting well to my iphone. i can't believe i waited so long to get on the smartphone bandwagon.

i'm on chapter 3 of greenfield. nutrition. i would love to finish the whole book before i start residency, but it's kind of huge.

next week H and i are planning on driving up to residency land to scope out living situations. looking at apartments for now. excited to visit other big cities along the way too.

i've also been playing around with mint's budget webpage, just trying to feel it out. jury's still out if i'll actually keep using it, but i need to come up with SOMETHING to manage all my accounts! i have three separate loan servicers! at least everything is online so i can manage it wherever i am. but my question is what the heck should i do about repayment plans? i've been doing my research, but it seems everything out there is in "fancy speak", which means i don't quite understand it all. and i want to be financially responsible and do all the right things and live within a reasonable budget. i don't want to starve myself of any luxuries, but at the same time, i want to be responsible. i'll gladly not shop for too many clothes, etc, but if i want to eat sushi, i want to eat it. good thing i'm going to be a surgeon...i'll just wear scrubs every day anyway! and the hospital i'm going to lets its residents eat all meals in house for FREE, so i would imagine my grocery budget will be a bit smaller than here...but what's probably going to happen is that my inner-foodie will EXPLODE and i'll just get all kinds of crazy things because i'll have "more money" to spend...ha. i think my priorities will be 1) paying off loans, 2) eating, 3) exercise/health, and 4) saving for awesome vacations.

ok, enough procrastinating...packing time!

why does moving involve packing?

2011-04-04T09:49:00.003-05:00

so far H and i have cleaned off my porch/balcony thingie of all my dead plants and plastic pots. yay! my next task is to clean off everything that will be going back to my parents' house. (we're doing a furniture swap.) i have boxes, i have a deadline, so i have to do it, right?

also, H and i got iPhones! my "splurge" for a long time. i upgraded from a fabulous ghetto flip phone, and now it's like i have the whole world at my fingertips. and then there was the drama with porting my existing number. i was so scared it wasn't going to happen, and then i never got the "text" that i was supposed to get, aak. in the end it was ok, and H gave me a couple of eye-rolls...ha. i guess i was being overly dramatic. now i just need to get a case, and maybe that will be my incentive to pack this morning.

one more month of school! and it's not even until may! and i'm going to be a surgeon!

exciting times!

2011-03-22T19:33:00.002-05:00

so after a few days to PAR-TAY LIKE CRAZY and digest all of it all, i am so happy to say I'M GOING TO BE A DOCTOR! I'M GOING TO BE A SURGEON! so exciting!

so i'm not going to divulge my official match location, because i want to have SOME secrets, hee hee. but i will say this...in the next month or 2 i'll be moving over 1,000 miles away from home to a place where it SNOWS! and i'll sound like a huge redneck! north of the mason dixon line! where i'll be around big cities with tons of ethnic food options! people who love farmer's markets!

ok, i'll cave a little bit. i'm a deep south girl who is moving to the grand NORTHEAST! trading hurricanes for nor'easters. humidity for ice. mosquitoes for whatever bugs they have up there. (hopefully not mosquitoes!) i'll certainly miss crawfish, but i can ship them up there, right? and they have mussels and crabs and all sorts of delicious things. maybe i'll learn how to snow ski. and i can make my own cheese grits. i'll still call coke "coke" versus "pop" or "soda" or whatever it is. i'm excited to live in a "not so freakishly RED state" and a city that has SIDEWALKS. i'll be able to say that i voted for obama and the first reaction isn't that i've grown three heads or something. yay! and what is it like when your car handle freezes shut? oh dear...

can you tell i'm excited? it was funny, when i went up on stage to announce my spot, it was like i had forgotten how to read! i saw all these letters and knew they made words, but i couldn't tell. i had made my list out to where i would be happy anywhere, as long as it wasn't 2 particular programs...ha! and luckily, it wasn't those 2 programs! my parents were in shock! H was in shock! his parents were in shock! haha...i don't think it would have mattered anywhere i had matched...we would have all still been in a happy good shock!

so now i'm looking for apartments. i think renting for 3-4 months is the best route to go, especially since i don't want to buy a house in an area that i realize isn't the best for H and i. i want to know a bit more about the place before we make a huge investment. fun times!

YAY!

2011-03-14T11:28:00.003-05:00

obligatory march post

2011-03-14T09:02:00.002-05:00

so i've been busy. alas.

this month i am on house medicine, which means i have no time to myself. i have a wonderful team, so i can't complain. today i have my 2nd day off this month so far and i am milking it for all it's worth. things like cleaning kitchen, baking, LAUNDRY time a ZILLION, FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY NRMP EMAIL I'M ABOUT TO GET AT 11:00 AM CENTRAL TIME. aak!

i'm pretty sure i'll match, but you can't be too sure. so this email will tell me that i have matched, yes/no, and then i'll find out where on thursday. i'm wigging out so bad. so it's been good i've been on a busy month because i just haven't had enough time to properly freak out, but i'm making up for it all now.

as for medicine, it's like that thing you hate but you know is good for you. does that make sense? i don't really enjoy medicine, but i'm glad i'm learning about how to fill out paperwork, how to do dictations for discharge summaries, etc. it's nice to be able to follow patients from beginning to end and at this part in my studies, i have a better idea of what to do for each patient. it's been interesting to compare the medicine way vs. the surgery way of taking care of the same problems. i don't want to become that type of resident who "hates on" people of other specialties. ok, some healthy ribbing is obviously warranted, but sometimes i encounter such HATRED of other specialties and it's just bizarre. the other day we had a lecture done by a cardiologist (like full time, done with training) and he just dogged on surgeons. ("surgeons don't want to operate." ok, maybe they didn't want to operate on a freakishly unstable patient? "surgeons think they can do whatever they want." ugh. and so on.) it was just so weird to see a grown man bitch and moan like that...just made me think that he must have had wanted to be a surgeon? or gotten snubbed by a potential surgeon lover? ha!

whenever i get anxious like this, i find myself freaking out about all sorts of things. i'm afraid to look at cnn.com because of all the japan coverage...it's just so sad and my heart goes out to those people. i start thinking about things i'm sorry i did in my past and i just think and think and think. then i start worrying about "what if i'm not good enough for residency". ha, at least i don't think i've made the wrong specialty choice, but just obsess over my competency. i know it's not normal to ruminate this way, but most med students have somewhat obsessive personalities. i can't help it. i think once i get my email today it will cease for a while. then i'll start wigging out about thursday, but honestly, i'm more afraid of NOT getting a job than to freak out about WHERE. and i would be happy on most places on my rank list, so i'm not that scared about that.

alright, i should stop this ramble. i think i'll go to the gym so i can clear my mind a bit. then lunch with E, and maybe i can go to the mall? look at shoes? haha!

some thoughts about peru

2011-02-27T11:28:00.003-06:00

sunset on the rio orosa. view from our boat. lovely.

overall, i am so glad i had the experience to visit peru. my group went to the northern part of peru, started out in the city of iquitos, and then sailed along the amazon and some of its rivers and visited a bunch of different small villages. we all worked so hard, seeing hundreds of patients and then trying to figure out transportation for a select few who needed extra help.

some general observations:

kids in the amazon get viral colds just like kids in the usa. and their mamas all want antibiotics, just like mamas in the usa. and we educated a ton about viruses vs. bacteria. some people got it. most didn't.
the most common adult complaint was "mareos y dolor in me cabesa". dizziness and headache. you see, we had ibuprofen and paracetamol for aches and pains. drugs that we can buy OTC very easily here. but in the jungle, they were some powerful drugs, and people would lie to try and get the drugs. to them, dizziness and headache was their way of trying to get pain meds, when really they were just dehydrated. and then they'd laugh at us when we told them to drink more water. we would even have a liter-sized bottle of water on the table and say "drink at least this much everyday". most couldn't fathom drinking HALF of that in a day! they would say "i'm not a frog!" honestly, if people would just come and say "i get headache sometimes, and backache, etc, and i just need some pills to get through it", i would give them medicine in a heartbeat. but as it was, a lot of people just lied, couldn't answer questions like "when does it get better" (yes), or "when did it start" (it started when i was born), etc. so if you lied, well, how can i help you? if you are blatantly telling your child what to say to "score some drugs", how can i trust you? and yes, i may be using a translator, but i understand spanish well enough to know that you are feeding words, ha. i'm not that stupid. plus you don't want to just give people drugs willy nilly, because that leads to my next point...
a lot of people had NO IDEA how medicines should be used. a lot of folks relied heavily on herbal medicines, which are fine. but when they had a stash of ibuprofen, they would use it for ANY kind of ache or pain. we had several children that reported months of stomach pain. so the parents thought was "my child has stomach pain, let me give them adult strength ibuprofen to relieve pain". very bad idea. so we did a lot of educating. (then come to find out, a lot of church groups go to the area to mission-ize, which is ok i guess, but then they would just shower people with meds to get them to come to the sermons. well, thank you for dispensing medicine without sound medical advice because now you've enabled these people to give their children stomach ulcers. extreme example, but it's true. thank goodness we didn't see any kids actively vomiting blood or peritonitic.)
lots of babies, lots of pregnant women. i loved how the women were not shy about breastfeeding in public. baby is crying, pop out that breast and voila! happy baby. not that i would advocate the same amount of "exposure" in the usa, but wouldn't it be nice that mothers could breastfeed in public and people wouldn't gawk or stare or say mean things?
the river is everything. people bathe, wash clothes, drink water, clean meat, poop, pee, etc, all in the same place. very little awareness of latrines, or "go downriver for pooping", etc. no wonder everyone had "bichos" or worms in their poop. we saw many huge-bellied children full of worms. lucky for them, everyone got a mebendazole tablet at clinic check in to at least reduce their parasite loads.
i am amazed at the number of people who initially would say "i have a headache and dizziness" to try and score some pain meds, and then would turn out to have a nasty STD or UTI, or maybe a huge abscess, or some other major problem. why didn't you tell us about your vaginal discharge x 3 months? or about your chronically infected leg wound? aaaah!
but even with the craziness, overall i think we helped a lot of people who truly needed it. for every 4-5 people complaining of HA secondary to dehydration, we helped 1 person who really needed to get their ear infection cleared. or their UTI fixed. or anti-inflammatory meds to relieve them of their chronic arthritis pain. etc etc. such is the nature of these things. and then everyone got medicine for worms. good stuff.

ok, i think i'll stop there for now. it was truly an amazing experience. i'm very glad i got to go. mostly medical problems, but every once in a while i would see a surgical problem and wish i could actually help. so maybe in the future, i could be a medical mission surgeon and have some sort of way to fix people for good. but i can see where setting up medical clinics is much easier, but i think being able to share my (future) surgical skill set with those in need would be intensely gratifying.

back in town!

2011-02-25T19:00:00.000-06:00

peru was amazing!!! can't wait to tell y'all about it!

also, OMG MATCH DAY IS COMING!

sunday morning

2011-02-06T09:02:00.002-06:00

i tried to put down the knitting, i really did. but now i'm working on a set of hats for a friend who is expecting twins. haha...i can't help myself.

i finalized my rank list and it is doth certified (and green!). i've been getting some wonderful email interactions between some programs that i really liked, and yes, it's great to get positive feedback. but my paranoid self wonders how many OTHER people they are sending these things to, and if i should be more decisive in my emails, etc. i'm trying to avoid saying "you're my number one!" because i think it's cheesy, so i'm saying things like "thrilled, happy, etc", but alas. but i'll do it if i have to, ha!

this next week is going to be HUGE. we're meeting up with some friends we haven't seen in a while, then going to a "social" with my surgery department, and all the while i have to pack to go to PERU!!! oh, and super bowl party today of course. i will be making a king cake because that is how i roll. obviously, i will not be posting while i am out of the country, since we will be internet-less on a boat floating on a river in the middle of nowhere! i can't wait!

last night i made some kick ass mac and cheese. i threw in some sauteed onion, garlic, and mushroom with my lovely blend of mozzarella, monterey, and cheddar cheeses. and we ate it with watermelon radish and arugula salad. i'm glad i only make mac and cheese rarely, because it was so damn good we ate so much. definitely gymming today.

with all that talk about food i'm officially hungry for breakfast. maybe i'll do some fried eggs? biscuits? go elsewhere? alas!

rank list dilemmas...

2011-02-03T08:01:00.002-06:00

last night i had a mini-freak out regarding le ol' rank list. i go back and forth of being confident with my choices to thinking i'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life...ugh. i have a meeting today with my mentor to discuss things a bit. it sucks that you have to make these decisions having only been to a place like ONE DAY. and i'm worried that i'm being seduced by programs because they seem really cool on the outside, but maybe they're not so fun once you're in? and my list needs to be finalized within the week because i'm going to PERU soon! so that increases the anxiety, blah. so compound the rank list worries with the worry that i just won't match and then you've got a really neurotic frylime on your hands...

and one of my gen surg friends at school and i were thinking about having some sort of informal "talk it out" session with the M3s wanting to do gen surgery...people are desperate for help and it seems like there's not a good way to get that help at school. granted, i feel very aware of everything because i 1)psychotically look everything up online, 2) stalked my mentor (ha, he told me to come meet with him for help), and 3) bugged the upperclassmen as much as i could. but i think there's some folks out there that are absolutely clueless, especially with the kinds of questions i've been getting. so maybe after match day we'll have a sit down.

revisiting infectious disease lectures are kind of fun when there's no pressure of looming test ahead. i'm remembering that learning is fun! and also that you should never go ass-to-mouth, and always wash your hands after you poop! yay! yesterday's lectures were all about various things that make you itchy or make you violently poop. fun day. today we're getting some shots...for me i've got to get hepatitis A and typhoid booster. luckily yellow fever is good for 10 years and i had that one done in college.

oh, and i had a really encouraging conversation with an attending i worked with. he referred to my first half of med school crappy-ness as my "achille's heel". i like that phrase. he had some nice things to say about me and some good advice for my future, and it just made me feel good on the inside. it's nice to know that you have some fans in different places, because you never know when interviewers know your attendings and will CALL and TALK ABOUT YOU without you ever knowing, unless you just happen by their office to say hello. so, it's just a good feeling.

alright, got to get ready for class...it's at 9:00..woo! and i think we get a free lunch today. double woo!

friday!

2011-01-21T08:49:00.002-06:00

what have i done so far today?

7:18 - woke up.
7:30 - made coffee...mmm!
7:45 - fried an egg, made some toast, topped with strawberry fig preserves and VOILA! breakfast!
7:50 to now - reading my interwebs. news, blogs, other miscellaneous items.

that's pretty much been my schedule for the past few mornings, usually breakfasting with granola or cereal. sometime before lunch i usually take it over to the couch and watch some combination of bravo tv, mtv, food network, or entertainment today. i have decided that i prefer housewives of beverly hills, though the atlanta ladies provide some lovely drama too. watching animal planet was too depressing...maybe that had something to do with an animal hoarding marathon, but ick. no more for me! and i love that new mtv show where they have the teenagers lose like 100 pounds in 100 days or something like that. and during all this tv time, i'm KNITTING! last night i finished knitting a ghetto sock...ha. it's not too shabby looking. i'm currently working on the second sock. then after that, i actually do not have a project in mind...suggestions?

so then i proceed on to lunch, which i either eat in or eat out...mostly eat in. today i will...i have some leftover bbq pork calling my name! i also FINALLY procured a watermelon radish and they are so fun and delicious. i hope where i end up for residency has a lovely farmer's market nearby...i would love to participate in a CSA or something similar.

the afternoons can be solitary, an extension of what i do in the morning. most of the time, though, i go and exercise, or go shopping with friends (as i did yesterday), hang out at the bookstore, etc. this week i've only been pathetic once, meaning i only left my apartment ONCE in a day and that was to go exercise...ha. i also do chores like cleaning up my kitchen, etc etc. i have plenty of books i should be reading, but i guess i've been lazy...ha.

evenings are whatever happens...dinner, running errands with H, etc.

i'm trying my best to appreciate my boredom, since supposedly THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME EVER AGAIN, but sheesh, it's tiresome! so today i think i will shake things up...i'll go gym in the morning, rather than the afternoon. i'll come back in time to make something for lunch and eat it. yay for plans! then maybe i can meet up with people in the afternoon for some play time.

thanks for sticking with me, o faithful readers, all <5 of you...ha. (honestly, i have no idea how many people read this silly thing.) next month will be fun...as i'll be prepping and going to PERU! then house med in march, boo. so i'll have more medically relevant stories soonish. if anyone has any specific questions they want to ask or topics i should write about, just holla in the comments. i was thinking about doing an informative post on the match and whatnot, but i can do whatever.

chao people!

first post of new year! ta-da!

2011-01-16T11:03:00.002-06:00

hello all...not much to update i suppose, because in the land of frylime i am still acting like a college kid sleeping in till 7:30-8:00 (gasp!) and watching a ton of tv. i've also been doing a lot of other things, like getting back into a regular workout routine, knitting, cooking, etc. i'm currently trying to work through a baby knitting book for beginners (NOT BECAUSE I HAVE BABY FEVER), and the baby crap is nice because it's small, doesn't take forever, and i can learn new technique without having to make a ginormously huge adult sweater or what have you. and if it looks hideous, well, i don't feel so bad. and if it looks nice, i can give it away to one of the zillion fertile and pregnant peoples i know. plus it keeps my hands busy. my next project after i finish the sweater is to make H a proper hat for cold outdoor activities, and then maybe i can learn how to make socks? who knows...

i also have my medical spanish book that i need to start reading from. i also have greenfield's surgery text that i have a goal of reading through before residency starts. i also want to bake tons of bread for the VIPs i've had to interact with lately.

my goals today include checking out the new asian supermarket in town...i'm so excited. after my last interview that was close to [insert large city here], i hung out in a supermarket designated solely for KOREAN PEOPLE. omg!!! it was AWESOME! i got korean pastries that were filled with red bean yumminess, roasted corn tea, and some kimbap to go. this one, i think, is more for chinese/taiwanese people, but whatever. i am still excited to go check it out. and they have a restaurant that is supposedly quite authentic. i hope they have some squid!

so yesterday the NRMP opened up the rank list website...and no, i haven't put in my rank list yet. i still have one more interview. i was supposed to interview last week, but during the winter storm advisories my flights were canceled. luckily i got everything rescheduled without having to shell out extra money. TIP: be very nice and friendly to program coordinators and airline ticket people! haha...i am excited about the last interview, namely, it's the LAST INTERVIEW. omg. i'm so nervous about matching...i can't wait. one of my friends had an early match in ophthalmology...he found out this past week where he is going and i got so jealous. he knows he has a job, he knows he will be an ophthalmologist, and he just has to graduate. the look of relief after a job well done, well, I WANT THAT. and the scramble just has me so freaked out. i do not want to have to go through all that. for the most part, i would be happy at most of the locations on my list, and i could "make it work" for the others, because at the end of the day, i want a job vs. no job.

also, i got 2 pairs of awesome glasses the other day. the best customer service ever. i went a little crazy and got a juicy couture pair, HA. they are bronze/purple-y with pink on the interior, sort of cat-eye frame. and then i got a black pair that just has the "floating" lens affect...and the sides have this cool black and white thing going on. 2 very different looks, and i was excited to have made a good decision. just glad i didn't have to narrow it down to one pair! and my last pair of glasses were so ghetto, the lenses were crappily made and i had weird glares and whatnot. and now that i have nice glasses i am going to try and wear them more...i feel like i will want to transition out of wearing contacts so much and do glasses more, especially once i start residency. i've gotten to the point in my life where contacts have that "TAKE ME OUT NOW" feeling at a certain time of day, plus i think wearing glasses in the hospital is much more hygienic. and i've been scrubbed into surgeries when my contacts have acted up, and there's nothing much you can do once that happens.

ok, i think i've rambled enough. just know that my life is pleasantly boring right now. i love M4 year. only got 1 interview left. gotta think about that rank list. but honestly, everything's great.

end of 2010

2010-12-31T19:37:00.003-06:00

2010 was a great year. currently just hanging out with H while we veg out and watch tv. thought i'd recap some of the more memorable moments of this past year...

deciding that i was definitely going into general surgery.
going to honduras with H...one of the best trips of my life.
taking the step 2 ck and kicking its ass! woo!
making my first batch of wine. even though it tasted horribly...ha.
all the fun road trips...
getting to close fascia for the first time.
playing along on the interview trail.

there's obviously more, but i can't think right now of all of them. H and i were discussing them earlier in the day, and most of them revolve around food, ha. drinking coconut water on the beach, eating deliciously prepared local fish, finally figuring out how to make the perfect pizza, etc etc.

so my hopes for 2011 are:

be as healthy as possible by eating well and making time for exercise
spend quality time with H, friends, and family
adjust quickly to residency, wherever that may be, and learn all that i can
get a dog! hee hee...

happy new year everyone!

post holiday yay

2010-12-28T14:24:00.003-06:00

i've had a wonderful holiday this year. no complaints. today i went shopping with some christmas money and got some new socks and some lovely born shoes...i needed some "grown up" nice walking around shoes...these look like boots but don't go over the ankles. i'm pretty excited about wearing them around. born is an awesome brand...never go wrong with those shoes.

K and i have a plan to get BUFF...started off yesterday with some weight training. today it hurts to walk up/down stairs, squat to potty, you name it. it's a good thing, i know, but damn! haha...don't get results unless you make it hurt, and i feel that if i can keep this up i'll be feeling healthier in no time.

i am making a pizza tonight for dinner, and i'm pretty excited about it. making some pizza dough now, will have an olive oil and garlic base, mushrooms, caramelized onions, and bacon and parmesan cheese, topped off with an arugula salad. YUMS.

i scheduled my flight for my last interview, and now i just need to decide what hotel to use. 10 interviews...goodness. i hope to get 1 more! or 2 more? or how about a zillion more? haha...after talking to some friends over the holidays, i think my list is pretty much cemented. but who knows, everything is fickle anyways. i hope H and i can make a road trip during MLK weekend to a place i really liked but he wasn't able to travel with me the first time. or if not there, then anywhere, really. ha.

also, i need to learn some spanish! i'm going to peru in february with school...super excited! any medical spanish books my readers would recommend?

i like fried eggs.

2010-12-21T09:53:00.004-06:00

and i ate one this morning. it was delicious, with a bit of freshly cracked black pepper and sea salt. and the yolk was just perfectly runny, but not too much either.

i plan on doing quite a bit the next few days as far as holiday-things go...i plan to bake breads, make a pie, knit some hats...i should probably get started soon for the day. i've got 2 batches of "starter" going for the bread. i'm trying to infuse some sourdough essence into the bread, so i cheated and jump started the starter with some yeast. (normally you just allow the naturally occurring yeast float in and start doing their magic, but time, my friends, time.) i started everything yesterday morning and will keep it up through today, will bake tomorrow. i don't want to give "old bread" away. today i should probably knit and possibly make the pie...it's a "serve frozen" pie so it can sit for a while i would imagine. or i could just do it tomorrow too. ha. i also need to wrap some presents. i guess with all the traveling, i just haven't felt "holiday-y" yet.

so my last interview...well, i wanted to love it. i was so excited about the possibility of living in the area, easy distance from home, etc, etc. however, it was just possibly one of the most disappointing experiences i've had. it actually wasn't too bad, but you could just tell everyone was so tired. one of my interviewers was actively nodding off while i was talking to him! and no, he was NOT a resident. i didn't know what to do, so i just ignored it. what else was i supposed to do, bust him out? overall, just disappointed, and i was perfectly willing to overlook some things for the location.

with all that said...so far i definitely have places that make me happy. i know i will end up where i need to be.

ok, so i should probably get started on my list of things to do! i am SO THANKFUL for m4 year, you don't understand. a few days of sitting around doing household chores, relaxing, it's so nice. it makes the hard work worth it.

ps...if i see another freaking perfume commercial i think i will vomit.

laying on the couch and i love it

2010-12-15T10:16:00.003-06:00

finally, a chance to breathe between interviews.

i have been on 7 now, got another this weekend. 2 in january. i'm hoping to possibly pick up a few more as people cancel, but who knows if that will happen. it's hard to keep everything separated. i stopped taking notes directly after each interview...just got too tired of doing "extra". i have been doing a running rank list in my mind though, so that's good. i'm not sure of which program is officially "1" and "2", but 3-7 are pretty much set. maybe i'll rearrange the ones of "not so much wanting to go here, but it would be ok", but right now the top 4 are definitely the top four. i am hoping that i really like/love this coming up interview. it has that pre-interview potential of being my new number 1, but who knows. i've gone to places where i have been pleasantly surprised and places where i was like HELL NO.

i understand how certain people have to scramble now, after having met some pre-lims who are interviewing for first year categorical spots like me. hopefully i don't come off as socially awkward or inept. i'm glad that i learned how to dress and act professionally. yes, i cuss like a sailor when i want to, but i don't do it on my interview day, a.k.a. "first date" with the new program. i wear pantyhose with skirt suit, and i wear black pumps. i also don't tell people that "i really just want to go to ___, just here for back up" when the program coordinator is within earshot. saw a girl wearing a skirt so tight on her butt and ruffled i was embarrassed for her. cute skirt, but better for a night out on the town with a halter and some hootchie shoes. i also saw a girl wear leopard print flats, which maybe it doesn't matter, but i was told to err on the side of conservative female fashion for general surgery interviews. i know i looked appropriate, and i won't be talked about for being "that girl". how can you be taken seriously if you look like prostitute playing dress up for a day? and freaking get some concealer for interview-stress breakouts. it's not expensive, and goes a long way. i'm so glad that i invested in some because zits happen, and i don't want people staring at me and ignoring what i have to say.

ok, got on a bit of a rant there, but goodness. sometimes even i can't believe it, and i'm there seeing it in real time.

so now i'm going to go to the gym with K and get some lunch afterwards. woo!

don't have to work until feb

2010-12-05T12:11:00.003-06:00

and i like it that way.

interview #4 went very well. i really liked the program, the area, the residents. it's definitely a contender. i'm realizing that rank list time is going to be some tough decisions.

i have 4 more interviews this month, then 2 more in january. i'm excited about all the possibilities.

and i'm so glad to not be in the ER. i effin' hate that place.

i'll do some better posts later. promise. it's just hard to post when i'm feeling lazy and tired. i fly tomorrow out to far away land. alas!

i hate the ER

2010-11-23T19:00:00.004-06:00

really, that is all. the ER is a place where my soul dies ever so slowly. alas, i will have to share details later.

interviews #2 and #3 both went really well. interview #4 is next week. right now i'm at 10 interviews...got another offer last week and i'm really excited about it.

ok, time for dinner with friends! woo!

interview #1

2010-11-08T10:39:00.005-06:00

survived my first interview! it was a great experience, couldn't have asked for a better first interview. i felt like i had gotten all of my questions asked, saw all that i wanted to see, and feel like i can make a well informed decision come rank list time. i'm not going to publicly identify any programs, but i can at least write a pros/cons list for me to remember and so anyone out there can follow along...

what i wore:

pre-interview dinner: advertised as "very casual", so i wore nice dark jeans, ann taylor loft knit shirt, and cardigan over. i felt like i was appropriate dressed, even though i was the only girl there wearing jeans. i fit in with the residents.
interview day: black skirt suit with hot pink shirt underneath, ha! wore my hair down because i'm plain like that. i actually blow-dried it too...hee hee. and i carried a black leather zip around folio, which was useful because they didn't give out folders for the papers they handed out.

pros:

residents seemed VERY HAPPY. talked about how laid-back program was, how everyone got along well with each other and staff. i didn't feel like anyone was lying to me, ha. seems like a close knit group.
claims to follow 80 hr workweek rules without having any major issues.
research opportunities, unlimited conferences if you have something to present, and they pay for it.
good case numbers.
tons of outdoor activities close by, beautiful scenery.
close to a big city.
nice simulation center.
clean/nice hospital.
buy your loupes 2nd year.
textbook fund, meal card, free parking, child care, etc.
residents don't have any problems getting fellowships.
level 1 trauma center.

cons:

city itself is a bit "blah", but it could work.
lack of restaurant diversity. (but there's a good korean place 1 hr away!)
i was literally the only minority i saw for a good percentage of the time (not in hospital)...H asked me if i noticed people staring at me, and i kinda did, but then i really noticed it after he mentioned it. i know i stand out, but goodness!
no separate surgery resident lounge, and the resident lounge they had was a bit underwhelming. (didn't think this one would be a big deal, but if i'm going to be spending more time in the hospital than out, i want a nice lounge dammit! i guess i'm spoiled by home.) call room was typical.
doesn't have much penetrating trauma. (i also didn't think this would bother me, but if i don't see it, how can i learn it?

so at the end of the day, i think i could be happy there, and H says that he could be happy there as well. we could "make it work". but it was interesting for me to see what all i took for granted in a program. i definitely found myself actively comparing it to my home institution. what i learned about myself is that i want a program that is a bit more "hard core" as far as pathology and patient population. i would like a nice diverse place to live (and then that would also affect patient population and see more variety of problems). however, i feel like this program could be a good option for me and that i would get a solid education. i am glad i went there to interview and will definitely be putting it on my rank list.

questions i was asked during my 4 interviews:

what happened during your first year of medical school?
where else have you applied/gotten interviews?
have you applied to any prelim programs?
where do you see yourself in 10 years?
what has been the most challenging thing/patient you have had to face thus far?
why this institution?
if you were a spice, what spice would you be and why? (my FAVORITE! ha!)
do you still play piano? (i wrote a single PHRASE in my personal statement about piano and it just goes to prove they really do read that thing...2 people asked me about it.)

hope that helps some of you out there...my next interview isn't until a week and a half from now, but then i have 2 back to back.

i'm now going to start prepping to make an onion prosciutto soup...yum!

it's november

2010-11-03T09:00:00.004-05:00

is it really november already? can't believe it. no more surgery months for me until i'm an intern next year...omg! i'm sad, i had a great month. i learned how to drive the camera nicely and got to practice a lot of sewing. this month i'm on ER. i think it will be ok. i predict i'm going to be that super annoying student who's like CAN I SUTURE, CAN I PUT IN THE LINE, ME ME ME ME ME! gotta get my money's worth!

i leave friday for my first interview. H is coming with me, since he only has to miss 1 day of work. flying + driving, alas. i bought a gps gadget, it should be coming today in the mail. can't wait to play with it. i am spending so much money too, it's kind of ridiculous, but necessary. i hope my new set of loans come in soon because another shot in the arm would be nice. also, i am checking my email like crazy. deans letters went out monday, and i really hope i get some more offers soon. i'm still at 9 interviews. yes, i am thrilled that i have 9, much better than zero, but i am GREEDY. i want MORE. i am excited about all of them in different ways. i have no idea where i want to end up, but i won't know until i go, right?

so today i have nothing going on...i want to find a folio for important papers, etc. i would love to get a bag, but oh well. i have a nice purse my parents got me for graduation a while back i can use, but i'm not a purse kind of person and would rather carry something else around for keys, etc. i got a london fog trench coat (in black) for everywhere that is cold and SNOWING. omg. i need to get hose, but i think for this first interview i'll wear my pants. aak! too many decisions. also, i need to go by the bank. and then K invited me over for MEATBALLS with spaghettis, and omg, MEATBALLS!!!

so i'm just going to sit around and be scared. i need to think of interview questions! review! aak! scared! i'm afraid i'm going to be spastic or something...alas. but i can always smile and talk rednecky which is cute coming from a southern asian girl, right?

it has been a while

2010-10-21T21:54:00.003-05:00

i know i know, i haven't blogged in a while, and honestly, don't care. HA. take THAT.

today i'm post call, ate some indian food with my team, went to sleep around 3:00 or so and didn't wake up till 7:40...awesome. call wasn't so bad, actually got to sleep some, but i think i'm just in a constant state of sleep deprivation so i take what i can get.

surgery is going so well...i love my team and i've gotten to see a lot of good "bread and butter" type of general cases. i've gotten better at driving cameras for laparoscopic cases. one of the residents the other day commented that my suturing has improved. they've even let me sew up some fascia, which is kind of a big deal, since there are BAD THINGS that can happen. today i got schooled on posture and how to stand, which seems like it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is! even got to do a sort of umbilicoplasty today without being too awkward.

so on the interview front...right now i have 8 scheduled. i'm so happy...i'm very excited to go visit and see what each place has to offer. i have gotten 10 or so official rejections, but that was and is to be expected. i still have yet to hear from the majority of my programs, but dean's letters don't get uploaded till november 1, so i imagine that a lot of places wait until then to holler at applicants. at the end of the day though, i'm so glad i dropped a ton of money on my applications...better to be safe than sorry, and it is the rest of my life anyway, might as well maximize what i can.

a side note, i can see where i could really get into laparoscopic surgery if i had the chance to play and practice. i got to play with the simulator for a few minutes and it was fun.

new month

2010-10-02T10:00:00.003-05:00

yesterday i started my acute care surgery month (ACS). 2 chiefs, a 2nd year resident, and then ME! no interns...and people who i get along with well. we will have M3 students rotating through each week. it really is amazing to me how much you learn as a student, a year ago i knew squat and now i'm able to teach the M3s all kinds of stuff. also, i'm kind of sad...this is my last surgery month this year. 4 in a row, not that bad. but i'll probably try to come back to conferences and stuff and scrub in a case or two in the spring.

interview count: 3. they are all scheduled. i have 2 in november, so i'm hoping that the ER will let me be slightly flexible in that regard. then dec/jan off for hopefully a zillion interviews! i would love to have at least 10...15 would be ideal. i'm prepared to drop a load of cash on everything because this IS the rest of my life, right? (also insert "fear of scrambling" here.)

the first thing i did yesterday was probe some rank butt abscess. ok, the abscess had been drained, but not so properly, or the infection was too rip roaring and had multiplied, but it was on the butt and i had to poke around in it. omg, the stink. definitely not the worst, not as bad as fournier's gangrene, but still, pretty rank. the poor M3s (who most definitely do not want to do surgery), i had them hold the patient up on the side because they were on the bigger side. and in a way, that's sad...i feel that this patient probably didn't know they had a butt abscess because they were so big...you can't see that part of your body well anyway. later on we changed out a wound vac that was pretty drippy. again, the M3s didn't look too thrilled to be there, but you gotta do what you gotta do. me and the 2nd year res changed out the vac, put on a new one. then us students cleaned the patient's bed up and redid all the linens, etc. the best way to make a nurse love you? KEEP THE BED CLEAN OR CLEANER. and that's exactly what we did.

i have this weekend off, yay! H and i have some plans to ride bikes and whatnot...fun!

yay for today

2010-09-20T19:49:00.002-05:00

so today i got to put in my first femoral a-line! woo! ALL BY MYSELF!!! only needed about 4 sticks to get it...kept hitting venous but then i pulled the needle out, regrouped, went a little bit more lateral, and BAM! pulsatile flow!

and, I GOT MY FIRST INTERVIEW INVITATION TODAY! yay! exciting! and they are going to provide the hotel room! i am super pumped! and i'm very interested in the program...sounds like it could be right up my alley!

now i'm laying on the couch watching food network waiting for H to show up so i can get some dinner going. STARVING!

oh, and i've gotten 3 rejections so far. that's ok. i know it's going to happen, and i'd rather get an email telling me about it than get no notification at all.

alright, going to make some dinner now...thinking salad and an omelet, or something like that.

and so it begins

2010-09-13T21:11:00.003-05:00

i got my first rejection today. alas. i know it's going to happen, and i'm not too upset over it, but it would have been nice to know some info up front. oh well. i think surgery sends out invites later than other specialties...i have friends already getting interviews, and while i'm happy for them, i can't help but think PICK ME PICK ME!!!

today i got inducted into the gold humanism honor society...nice dinner at school. the parents came, they were really happy. it was really humbling to know i got picked for it. and the speaker said something about being humanistic meant that you are a bit irrational, and then H was like THAT'S WHY YOU GOT IN, YOU'RE IRRATIONAL. ha, nice.

i love the sicu! i have a problem...i've enjoyed all the rotations i've done so far. it's also fun being on trauma call, seeing the patients in the ER, then seeing them in the OR, then seeing them in the sicu. talk about continuity of care. you don't need a stinking clinic for that! haha...

i'm still waiting on the opportunity to put in a chest tube...I WANT TO PUT IN A CHEST TUBE. it's just one of those things, i HAVE to do one. i also want to put in more central lines. i love that satisfaction of knowing i did it, and i did it right.

ok, bedtime. still sleepy from the crazy trauma call yesterday where everyone was having car wrecks or getting shot up. and the ER was consulting surgery like crazy. and i drank some wine so now i'm really tired. holla.

let the waiting begin...

2010-09-04T17:36:00.003-05:00

so i just did it. i just applied to all my programs on ERAS. all bazillion of them. and then to top that off, they charge an extra $70 to submit your step transcript. > $1000 for applications. alas. but it's DONE! now let's hope that i'm a bit more competitive than i think i am and i'll be turning down interviews, but i'll try not to do that of course.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!

here's my procedure count so far in the SICU:
- pulled chest tubes: 1
- central lines: 1 (left subclavian)

i'm on call tomorrow, so here's to hoping i do a lot of fun things. there are some NP students in the sicu so i probably won't get to do a lot of opportunities to put in lines, but a girl can hope, right?

alright, so now i get to decide on what i'm going to do for the rest of the day. was supposed to go to a cookout, but it looks as if that might not happen anymore. at least i can stop obsessing over this application and just wait for emails and phone calls...

sicu!

2010-09-03T17:07:00.004-05:00

put in my first central line today! woo! and no pneumothorax!

sicu is a nice month so far...lots of potential for procedures and lots of learning. plus more regular hours.

got some friends coming into town this weekend, happy to see them.

on call sunday, alas. even though labor day is monday, i'll be there in the morning at least. think me and H might grill out that day too. that would be quite nice.

still fiddling around with ERAS...hope to submit this weekend!

end of a long month

2010-08-28T09:40:00.005-05:00

i have today off! and then there's only 3 more days to vascular, i'm on call tomorrow too. then it's off to the SICU. it's been a fun and long month, really tiring, but certainly worth it. got to do a lot of things...amputate legs, sew a lot of skin, play with wires. i can certainly see how vascular is a fun specialty. granted, everyone's old and sick and won't stop smoking, but as long as people don't stop smoking, then you'll always have a job. plus, the disease process that affects their arteries will never completely stop, so you'll get a lot of repeat customers. (just looking at things from a business perspective...ha.) but if you have a patient that can't walk 2-3 minutes without having major bad cramping pain in their legs, and you fix it for them so that they can walk, AMAZING. i can't imagine how it feels to get a basic function of your life back. or if you're in chronic debilitating pain from a non-healing sore, and we can fix that for you, awesome. so i haven't completely scratched off vascular as a potential career choice, but i still love CT and then there's all those other fields of surgery i haven't been able to play with either...

applications go out sept 1, as in THIS COMING UP WEDNESDAY. omg. this weekend i need to assign my personal statement, transcript, letters of rec, photo...EVERYTHING to all my zillion programs i'm applying to. i'm debating one last rec letter...so far i have 3, and will ask for a fourth, but it's the fifth one that i'm debating. but i might not. most programs only need 3, and sometimes a fourth. i don't think i've seen any that want 5, but i guess it's possible. i need to get my photo taken for ERAS, haven't done it yet, but will do it on monday when i'm post call and looking extra crappy. today i'm going to look at some suits to get an idea of what i want. my lovely mom sent me suit money in the mail! yay!

also, i just really hope i get into a university-based residency (vs. community based one with no med students). i really want to teach the young'ins. i have to admit i'm a bit anxious about the whole process, based on my record and all. but someone told me recently that it looks good that i "finished strong". granted, would rather have a student who was strong the whole way through, but the fact that i've improved the way i have shows a lot. i sure do hope so. i hope that i'm a more competitive applicant than i think i am and all this worrying will be for naught. well, i do need to worry, but i hope that i get 10-15 interviews. none of that "i'm canceling this one because i'm tired" nonsense. cross that bridge once i get there, i suppose.

well, today i'm going to be girly and look at suits. then i'm going to work on my application and obsess way too much over it. then i'll come home and drink a beer.

off at 2:30 pm...

2010-08-18T16:08:00.002-05:00

and something has to be screwy, right? today was just a really rare day i guess. tomorrow is full of craziness...vascular conference at 7 am, meeting with VIP at 2 pm, and then vascular journal club at fancy restaurant at 6 pm. aaak!

the last few days on the service have been tinged with some sadness...we've had a couple of deaths lately. some were expected, one in particular was not. the unexpected one, well, it was still expected, just not WHEN it happened i guess. the spouse was all sad and hugged me for a long time, which is fine, but i'm not used to touching patients in a non-medical kind of way. (i know, sounds weird, but you have to have boundaries somewhere or you just get emotionally overwhelmed, at least that's what i try to do.) that same day i was consoling the spouse, another patient cussed me out, but that's ok. i would have been angry too, but i don't think the patient was comprehending that i was there to help, so they cussed me out. but then they were nice to me once the info was finally understood. so when i got home, i had to cook up a storm because my brain was all over the place.

yesterday i got to sew up an incision that was REALLY REALLY CLOSE to the graft the team had just put in. and i didn't poke any holes in the graft, of course. i LOVE sewing! though i was definitely on high alert to not poke any holes. the resident was staring me down like a hawk, but it's all good. i didn't let him down.

so tonight i think i'll be going to the gym, baking some cupcakes, and reading my article for journal club tomorrow. oh yeah, and not freaking out about my meeting tomorrow. to be honest, i'm just happy to be seeing the sun shine for once...

still alive

2010-08-13T03:44:00.001-05:00

working hard, still alive. long days. yesterday was great...had a level 1 and BAM fixed his problem. got some good lessons on suturing technique, tied some good knots. gotta work today and on call tomorrow. almost done with eras, but still working on letters.

alright, gotta go to work now.

tired

2010-08-05T20:34:00.004-05:00

i'm really tired. vascular is kicking my ass. i am post call today, had to scrub in a case all night, zero sleep, but then my intern let me leave around 8:30 this morning so i came home and slept for 8 hours in a row, first time in a LONG time. my feet and knees and hips are so sore from standing, my back hurts from leaning over. lots of sick patients. BUT, i'm learning a lot and being able to practice my skills! and i've been getting some great feedback from an attending who's been watching me work, so it's worth it, ha.

my schedule this week has been:

wake up at 3:15 am
eat/make coffee/check email
leave apartment by 3:45-3:50
arrive at school at 4:00
make sure list is correct (people in correct rooms, etc)
get labs and vitals
assist intern in writing notes, etc
pre-rounds with upper levels at 6:00
7:00 meetings (sometimes), sometimes 2nd breakfast
cases all freaking day long, sometimes clinic thrown in
randomly round with attendings at their leisure
people start shooting people or other stupid shit and then we scrub in and operate for a long time
more badness happens to unlucky people and operate some more
go home anywhere from 6:00 pm - 9:30 pm or later
eat dinner, hang out with H
realize you are too tired to read or work on ERAS or anything else
go to bed realizing that in less than 4 hours you have to wake up and do it all over again

so i was kind of thankful today to be post call. isn't that weird? alas...

tomorrow i think is clinic in the AM...my partner and i are going to be splitting up clinic so we can get face time with our department chairman. kind of nerve racking, if you ask me.

hopefully tomorrow's pre-rounds will go better. this morning was just awful because we were a resident short, late, and really tired because of the events of last night. it will be better tomorrow. it has to be, right? i know i wasn't at the top of my game, but at the same time i have to have some sleep, and i got zero. it's a good excuse in the normal world, but not in medicine i guess. that's the sucky thing about being a med student...most of the time, nothing you do is good enough and people are always telling you that you're not doing well. so i really do hang on to those rare occasions that i get a compliment. makes it all worth it to hear a surgeon attending tell you "you have good hands", and then lets you tie off arteries and sew and all that fun stuff.

1 month down, 10 to go!

2010-07-31T07:22:00.002-05:00

and i say i only have 11 months in M4 year because i graduate in may...

1 down, 10 more to go!

this year is going to FLY!

and i have to admit, i'm going to miss CT surg a little bit...i didn't get to see near as many general thoracic cases as i would have liked. i start vascular tomorrow morning, be there bright and early at 4:30 am or so...but hopefully it won't be a terribly long day because there's generally no cases on sundays.

last night H and i had a lot of fun...we went to a lake-side bar and had red stripes while chatting and staring at the ducks. then we went to a super authentic mexican place (where you order in spanish) and i got enchiladas verdes al pastor and H got a taco and a sincronizada. oh, and i also got horchata. yums! we thought we'd be the only non-hispanic folks in there, but then this white couple walks in and we always see them EVERYWHERE at the local ethnic places...it's like, we WOULD see them at the restaurant! but the funny part was they started ordering in english and the waitress/cook had to go get someone else to accept the order. ordering in spanish is not hard, just state the name of the dish/drink and say a number, like UNO or something. or point to the menu. oh well. i was so full after the meal and my earlier beer. we were supposed to meet up with some of my friends for late night drinks, but i fell asleep at 9:00 and didn't really wake up until 10:30, and at that point we didn't want to drive out there. i can't wait until i get some of my life back so i can see my friends when i want, but sleep is more important right now. plus they were all on EASY stuff so they can hang out whenever they want. sacrifices, ha, i suppose.

so vascular starts tomorrow super early, my life will be nonexistent in august, so no haters if i don't post too often.

here's to hoping today is fun...breakfast, gym, grocery, coffee shop, dinner with people...

no fun.

2010-07-25T09:22:00.002-05:00

i'm leaving today to take my step 2 cs in houston. not happy about it. have i studied? not really, but i will on the drive down there today. i do believe i'll pass, just got to make sure i don't screw up by getting nervous or whatever. and i'm mad that i don't get my score supposedly until OCTOBER. so i guess i'll just automatically release my usmle transcripts on eras. which, speaking of, i haven't worked on in a while. next week i need to ask two people if they would be willing to write me rec letters, which is nerve racking in itself.

the good thing about the trip is that i'll catch up with a good friend that i haven't been able to talk to in a while. she's studying to be a genetic counselor, which is super awesome. maybe i can talk her into going to a korean restaurant...hahaha, doubt it.

ct surg is going well. i got to cut out some rib the other day!

golden weekend

2010-07-17T18:42:00.002-05:00

today has been absolutely lovely...slept in till 7, ha. H and i saw my mom run in a race today, then ate some breakfast/lunch, then went to a local mall and i SHOPPED, then we cooked a lovely steak and ate it. now i'm laying on the couch. i love golden weekends! and my shopping trip was AWESOME. incredible deals, cute stuff, happiness! i also got a little black dress, don't know when i'll wear it, but i have it and it's cute. woo!

i'm debating another nap...hee hee.

i'm on call monday and have a massage scheduled for tuesday during my post call afternoon. can't wait! it will be oh-so-good and worth it.

pre-ordered my first real surgery textbook! i decided on greenfield's, and then saw that the 2010 edition comes out in september, so rather than get the 4th edition (from 2005), i thought i'd wait. i can read the book online from my library or see a copy in the surgery lounge, so no big deal. i'm excited!

so i really hope i get to put in a chest tube this month. i would absolutely squeal on myself!

ok, so now i'm going to nap or watch tv or something. hee hee...i love golden weekends!

now i can breathe more easily...

2010-07-15T20:35:00.003-05:00

step 2 ck score came back this wednesday! and i did WELL! I DID GREAT! I AM THRILLED TO PIECES! when my assoc. dean told me what my score was, i thought he was lying. i didn't believe him. haha, i guess hard work does pay off. and what's weird is that i had a dream of what i was going to make months ago, and i was 1 point off of what i dreamed! PREMONITIONS! hopefully this will help me out with the ol' residency application process...it certainly is inspiring to say the least!

in other news, things are going well in the CT front...i finally got over my virus, yay. i've been scrubbing into tons of cool cases, there's been a string of tetrology of fallot repairs! this morning i scrubbed into a peds ct case where there was definitive surgical repair of the TOF, pretty awesome. and i got to be first assist for a couple minutes (waiting for the other attending to scrub in and help) and got to help put in the arterial and venous cannulae for the cardiac bypass machine! the attending was like "you're getting to do things that a lot of residents have never done", and he even threw in a "you're doing a great job", and i was like OMG YEAH. though on the surface i was calm, cool, collected. inside i was squealing like a little girl. i got to use FORCEPS and hold the AORTA and the RIGHT ATRIUM and SUPERIOR VENA CAVA. i mean, that's super totally badass! well, i think so at least...ha.

and then i found out i get the weekend off. i'm really excited about that. i've worked every day straight since last tuesday. normally it wouldn't be so bad, but my day is normally between 12-14 hours long, and plus i was on call too, so i was at the hospital for 30 hours straight there. ok, so on saturday i was done at 11:00 in the morning, so technically i had an afternoon off...ha. i'm happy to work, but i gotta have some time to myself too. and this weekend i think some fun stuff will happen and i'm looking forward to hanging out with H and relaxing.

alright, going to read an article or two and then head to bed...yay!

i'm tired

2010-07-10T14:18:00.004-05:00

ct surg is fun, but i'm tired. and i'm sick. sick + tired = not ideal situation. but it's ok. i'm learning a lot, and i am finding that i enjoy reading surgical texts, which i think is a good thing because i want to do surgery? i've been learning about cardiac bypass, which gets easier to understand the more i read about it. i've made copies of other chapters in this CT book, and will read those later today. care of post-op patients and ACLS. important stuff. i'm also thinking about purchasing a general surgery text, but i might change my mind after i see how expensive they are...ha. i can just make a ton of copies at school.

i've gotten to see some great surgeries...tetrology of fallot repair, 2 CABGs, and a nuss bar removal. hopefully i'll get to see a thymectomy and some pulmonary lobectomies before it's all said and done. i'm getting more comfortable in the ICU setting, which was one of my main goals of M4 year. not that you can ever be comfy in the ICU, but at least confident enough in managing patients and understand pressors and dialysis and all that kind of stuff.

i've also had some good instruction on technique, for which i'm grateful. practice makes perfect!

so i worked on my eras some, and now i should read. my brain is too fogged up right now to think about editing my personal statement.

being an M4 is awesome

2010-07-04T10:40:00.003-05:00

and you want to know why? BECAUSE YOU GET TO DO EVERYTHING AND GET FIRST DIBS. i like it. and you get to teach the M3 and M2 students on. and gently explain to the M2 who is used to being the only student that M4s get priority on doing certain things. and to not try to suture when my fingers are about 1 inch away from where he is going to suture. and no playing with the instruments. haha. but he's so eager, and i don't want to kill his excitement. i'll let M3 year kill his soul slowly...

so far i've gotten to scrub a tetrology of fallot repair and a CABGx5. long surgeries, but really satisfying to watch. i've already done a call night, got about 1 hour of sleep, but it was really good anyway. drunk people falling off boats, old people on blood thinners falling, car wrecks, successful suicide attempt, knife stab wound from angry girlfriend, and plenty of floor work. i learned how to change lines and sew them in, how painful (but necessary) it is to evacuate a hematoma and put on a wound vac at bedside, and that i need to brush up on my suturing. but i plan on buying some bananas and pigs feet and going to town. and practice my one-hand ties.

i'm off until tuesday...my resident is awesome. i plan on doing some baking tomorrow and bringing it up...all part of the plan. ha! no, honestly i just like to do a good job and keep my residents happy. next week the other M4 begins, and so i really just feel like i need to stay on my game to shine. so far has been good though. i already had a conversation with my resident along the lines of "please tell me what i need to do to improve, etc, because i want to get the most out of this and learn how to become a good intern"...highly recommend everyone have that conversation when you start out a new rotation because it lets them know that you are for real.

today i started up my ERAS application, and my other goal is to do my freakin' personal statement! my dean's letter meeting is tuesday so i have to hustle...

so yeah, i'm excited for the BEST YEAR EVER!

AAAAAAAAAAAH IT'S ABOUT TO BEGIN!

2010-06-29T20:21:00.002-05:00

so we got back from our honduran adventure...it was so awesome! flew into san pedro sula, taxied to tela, spent 4 days on the beach, ferried to utila, got stuck in the middle of tropical storm alex, and then catamaran'ed over to roatan, relaxed, and came home. saw beautiful beaches, snorkeled, hiked through national park, man, it was so awesome. i'm so glad to have been able to go with H and just have an adventure. the only annoying thing were the sand fleas! they bite you and it ITCHES so bad! i must have had nearly 100 bites! and they are still itching...oh well, can't have everything!

then reality hit...i paged my resident and i am to be ready for rounds at 6:45 am thursday! "just split the list however you like with your partner"...problem is, the "partner" won't be starting until next week. so i guess i'll just get there like super early and pick up 3-4? the resident is not quite sure how the service goes because she just started herself, plus there is a new intern starting as well. play it by the ears, i suppose. and then i haven't sutured, let alone TOUCH a patient, in MONTHS. alas...

and now i have to write my personal statement, work on my ERAS application, aaaak! and worry about my step 2 ck score! and study for step 2 cs! and impress the ct service! goodness gracious...

it's all done!

2010-06-19T08:22:00.003-05:00

as you may have noticed, i played around with the new design templates. all i can say is, TOO MANY CHOICES! haha...well, i hope you like this one, but who knows, i may change it again.

test was long. of course, the super fast classmate was done while i was in the middle of my 4th block. ha. i started a little before 9 and finished around 5:30. i took all of the hour for the block...i was able to finish with about 10 minutes left, but then i'd go back and think about my marked questions. questions were long, but expected. of course, there were a few that i was like WTF but you have to expect that. for the most part i felt prepared. i also felt like there was this vast amount of knowledge i know that wasn't tested upon, but that's part of the silly game as well. but it did seem like i had a large number of A) variations on a woman feels a breast lump, WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT, B) OMG I'M PREGNANT AND THIS IS GOING ON NOW, C) super nasty photos. examples? HUUUUGE nasty vulva, spread eagle. i was like, that's a sad vagina. huge diabetic foot ulcers, complete with drippies.

i had taken my aleve, so i didn't get the super pounding headache of step 1. i just had a minor headache instead. about 6 blocks in though, i had a case of the GET ME OUT OF HERE. i felt like i had good concentration, but then it definitely started to wane. alas.

and this year when i finished it was like "thank God, now i can get OUTTA HERE!" and then i got in my car, turned on NPR and just drove. i was in a "meh" state of mind. well, not totally "meh", i was really looking forward to getting to eat some damn fine food! compare it to last year, when i left the test i got in my car and just started crying. why was i crying? probably a combo of the monster headache, sheer exhaustion, and that "oh crap" feeling. so i think my immediate post-test emotions means that i probably did better this year? let's hope so.

last night H took me out to a lovely restaurant in town where we had delicious food and i ordered a drink that was probably a bit too strong for a half-asian gal not accustomed to heavy drinking. the pasta i had was delicious, and i was looking forward to eating it again today, but both of our parents are demanding that they see us "before we go on our trip" for both lunch and dinner, so it looks like i can't eat my leftovers. but K will enjoy them...ha. she is house-sitting for me so my plants don't die. but a few of them are actively dying, but whatever. it's beside the point.

so now i'm trying to not be overwhelmed at the amount of packing i need to do today, since i have done ZERO, and now i have all these things that i wasn't planning on doing that i have to do today. i need to run by the bank. i need to get a small notebook of sorts so i can start jotting down ideas for my personal statement. laundry? i should workout too, since i haven't in a while. we'll only be gone a week, and i love to wear the same thing every day, so i'm not too concerned about that. it's all the other crap. and i'm just going to take my backpack, no check-ins. so that means pack smartly, which my brain is not capable of being smart today.

i get my score back supposedly in 4-6 weeks. i hope i did well...my goal is to have made a substantial improvement on my step 1 score. oh yeah, my meeting with surgery VIP went well. i'm so excited to get back to work and work hard and learn a lot.

so, until next time! good luck to all my friends that have yet to take step 2...you'll do great. the experience for me was SO much better than last year, i'm sure it will be for you too.

it's tomorrow

2010-06-17T09:10:00.002-05:00

my step 2 ck is tomorrow. i've been trying my hardest to not freak out about it. at least at this point i know i should pass. i feel more prepared this time than for step 1, i think i do at least.

i'm just going to spend today reading over some of my rougher areas, namely renal, rheum, and heme. i think i know enough of endocrine to not embarrass myself. oh, and going over the "top 100 secrets" in my secrets book. and also getting bread as to make a pb and j sammich tomorrow for lunch. i'm going to bring a cooler to put in my car so everything tastes good.

i also have a meeting today with a VIP in the surg department. (i know, why meet day before step? because my brain is useless anyways...) i hope it goes well. i plan it to be a "hello, this is me and my story" type of meeting. i'm sure it will be fine...i tend to thrive off of those unpredictable situations.

i was hoping that south korea wouldn't have lost 4-1 this morning, but oh well.

so now i should do some ironing so i can look business-y this morning.

please forgive me if i don't update for over a week or so...i'm going to try and post about my thoughts about the test, but honestly, i'm not going to promise anything. friday night should be spent in a coma, saturday will be frenzied packing, and sunday is honduras! then when i get back we can talk about that and PERSONAL STATEMENTS. boo that. ha!

good luck everyone else taking the step!

nothing new here...

2010-06-10T09:49:00.004-05:00

just studying for step 2. it's on friday, june 18. yes, i'm freaking. yes, i hate USMLE world. (but only have 325 questions left!) yes, i've been having the study munchies for food that is not found in my area of living. yes, that makes me feel pissy.

so what do i do about it all? well, yesterday i cut my hair...about 5 inches, GONE! i love my hair guy...just tell him 1) i need to still put it in a ponytail, 2) i don't do blow dryers or "product", 3) you know it's going to be MONTHS before i come back because i'm lazy about my hair, and 4) NO BANGS. and now i have fabulous sassy hair. and no split ends. hooray!

today i have study date planned with my fun study friends...haha. basically we all sit around in silence, then bitch out loud, and then do questions, and every once in a while you here someone curse, or shake their arms in frustration, or pound the table loudly. all in a day.

currently awaiting the EMAIL that will say "frylime has done the awesomest on her surgery board! she made a ONE MILLION!!!" ok, maybe not a one million but hopefully about 70 (national average raw score) and maybe hopefully above class average? since this is what frylime wants to do with her life?

now i gotta run to school and get my malarial drug prescription (for HONDURAS!!!). hopefully i won't get mefloquine. that stuff messes you UP.

study hard, friends!

done with BOARDS! what does that mean?!

2010-06-04T14:54:00.003-05:00

I'M SEMI-OFFICIALLY AN M4 NOW!!! OMGOMGOMGOMG!

finished up with my surgery board today...rough test. and i know i made stupid errors on it. i was feeling a lot of pressure on it to do well, and my brain was tired, and i had to pee really bad during the test but i do not get up to pee during tests, alas. hopefully i did better than i thought i did...so far my board scores are coming back nicely. i'm quite pleased, and i'm crossing my fingers that it means i will eventally do well on the step 2 ck!

as for now, i am laying on my couch being a bum. i like it. i was going to give blood with K, but we tuckered out after lunch and i usually give platelets which means something bad will happen, like me puking on myself or something like that. i think i deserve to be a bum today!

asdf;lakjaweroiu19a;kwer

2010-06-02T17:52:00.002-05:00

that is how my brain feels at the moment. got peds board tomorow, surg board friday. and then step 2 ck in 2 weeks. blah. but then there's a week long trip to HONDURAS!

through my intuition i think i passed my fake step 2 cs exam, and i'm going to go over monday to review my results. probably going to say "she is a weird person who stares at the floor too much". who knows. and sometimes when i'm nervous my redneck accent tends to come out in full force. or trying to talk loudly to an old person. or whatever.

i'm about to go to the gym and work off some of this energy. i would just walk around a park outside, but i spy some angry clouds and methinks it wouldn't be prudent to stroll around during a thunderstorm. but i'm not wearing a white t-shirt so i would be ok.

i love how at my regular coffee shop that i'm considered a "regular" and i get freebies from time to time. makes my stomach happy.

this weekend should be fun...H and i are going to volunteer at this hispanic health fair on saturday, then celebrate his birthday belatedly with his family. sunday is a cookout with poolside activities. and of course, there will be something going on friday post-boards. i do want to take another practice test soon...maybe i can do that sunday morning. i'm excited about my world progress...got 33% left. of course it's all freaking internal medicine questions, but whatever. the end is near!

ok, treadmill time. then for dinner it's lamb shoulder chops, zucchini, rice, and kimchee. and a beer. and more questions. trey excited.

studying

2010-05-24T18:10:00.003-05:00

man, i don't like sitting still in one spot reading/doing questions/etc...reminds me of what hell is probably like. i will say, studying for step 2 is much more enjoyable than step 1 at any rate. i took a practice test last night and it was a huge confidence booster. definitely not to the point of becoming overconfident, but a boost to tell me YOU CAN DO IT!

i'm currently brining some turkey legs. will make a spice rub to go on top and then braise them in the oven for a while. excited about dinner!

i can't believe that 2 weeks from now, i'll officially be an M4!!! there were definitely moments in my med school career that i thought it wasn't going to happen, but it most certainly has happened. and is still going on. yay!

so on to more questions...

no more M3 clinicals!

2010-05-20T15:13:00.002-05:00

today was a great day! no more M3 clinicals!!!

also, my crazy rash is more crazy today, so went by student health to get a decadron shot in the butt. the NP, after giving me my shot, accidentally stuck herself so i had to get my blood drawn for infectious diseases. she kept apologizing, but i was like, no, it's cool, i'm a super hypochondriac so it's good that i get tested! haha...plus i'm clean anyway, and the NP was happy that it was someone like me to get stuck from, rather than someone else. the verdict?

NO HEPATITIS! NO SYPHILIS! NO HIV!

the world is good today. haha!

tomorrow is my psych board...hopefully i'll do well. i'm glad that it's over...psych is so interesting, and the attending like EVERYDAY said "you should be a psychiatrist", but, i just want to move on to SURGERY!!! today we almost did an LP, but unfortunately the attending wanted IR to do it. boo! i wanted to do the LP!!!

still applying to away rotations...i've been denied to 2 places so far, but that's ok. these things fill up rather quickly. i'll throw a few more apps out and then call it a day. no big deal. if i don't get an away, i'll do path or rads.

alright, back to studying! yay! or not...haha. no AIDS!

last week

2010-05-17T21:40:00.003-05:00

my face is itchy. terribly itchy. maybe i rubbed some plant juice on it, i don't know. it's really annoying. and i have a rash. i just took a loratidine and been rubbing some diphenhydramine on top. alas. i hope i don't have kawasaki's or something.

i'm drinking a strawberry abita beer. delicious.

one month from tomorrow i take my step 2 ck. scary.

i made some delicious noodles for dinner. they were quite satisfying.

i have my psych board friday. i've been doing some reading, about to do more questions. just wanted to update my internet friends...

6 more days!

2010-05-13T19:09:00.003-05:00

tomorrow is my CSA exam...here's to hoping i don't piss off any fake patients or *gasp* forget to DRAPE or listen UNDER the gown! i still can't believe i miss that every so often!

my catatonic patient had ECT done today and BAM S/HE IS A NEW PERSON! it is so amazing at how get better after a treatment! going from not talking very much and freaking out about the voices in your head to smiling and giddy and talking up a storm! and no more voices! wow. i'm so glad i got to see the results.

today i went to this annual "distinguished" lecture done by the surgery department at school...it was really cool to hear it. it was an historical talk done about a pioneering surgeon from way back who paved the way for valvulotomies.. but so cool. it made me excited to get back to doing surgery again! july 1, here i come!

afterwards i went to the gym and watched the show "say yes to the dress" while i treadmilled. that show, man, it's so weird, but i can't help but watch it...just a bunch of women buying wedding dresses. "my budget is $9,000", man, that freaks me out every time. i can't imagine spending that much money on a dress to wear once. YES, the wedding dress has to be special, blah blah blah, but 9 grand? i would wear something from the gap over that and spend the rest on vacation. ha.

then i came home and have some beef brisket braising in the oven. i heart my dutch oven! EVERYONE MUST HAVE ONE. i hope it comes out deliciously...first time to ever tackle brisket. i just seasoned both sides vigorously with a bazillion spices, browned both sides, then sauteed some onion and garlic in the same pot, deglazed with some sherry, and then put the meat back in and popped it in the oven. low and slow supposedly is the way to do it, so i'm thinking an hour and a half will suffice. (it's only around 1.5 pounds.) but i'll probably do two anyway.

so i was thinking about some random advice for M1s and M2s that have to do clinical stuff. you know, like "shadow" people or do that ICM stuff where you interview a patient and it's horrible and nerve racking. trust me, this advice will help you out in a good way so that nobody (like us M3s, ha) makes fun of you. and yes, these are all inspired by true stories:

if you are dressing up and wearing your white coat, LADIES, please DO NOT WEAR HOOKER HEELS WITH HOOKER DRESSES/SKIRTS. omg. the other day i saw this girl wearing 3 inch stilettos that were blue suede appearing and strappy and open-toed. (they were cute, actually.) and she was wearing a cute dress, but it was short. and she was awkwardly walking with her obviously heavy appearing bookbag on. that outfit screams "hit on me please". plus 3 inch stilettos are no fun in standing around in and walking miles in the hospital. that outfit just broadcasted "i obviously don't know what i'm doing and would love to be hit on by nasty people." the mark of a med student in the clinical years: cute FLATS. or slight heels. and definitely no open-toe...if you were to drop a needle and stick your foot, well, that's your problem.
ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS! a poor student (who was terrified) came up to me after interviewing and examining a patient with questionable HIV status (test not back yet) was like "OMG SHOULD I WASH MY HANDS? WAS I SUPPOSED TO?" i just stared at him and was like "umm, yeah?" just wash them. or use the foamy stuff. and wear gloves if you don't know for sure someone is not going to give you scabies. or something like that. i almost wanted to ask "do you wash after you wipe your dookie off your booty hole?" but i didn't.
if you come in to observe a surgery, and you've obviously done gross anatomy, and the surgery is called "cholecystectomy", and you see the surgeons fumbling around a GREEN BAG SHAPED OBJECT, and the resident is explaining that someone is holding the fundus while they dissect out the cystic duct (obviously saying gall bladdery things), please don't go "IS THAT THE GALL BLADDER?" omg, you've been through GROSS, the damn thing is GREEN and YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. there was definitely a collective eye roll at that question. alas.

just trying to help you guys out, ha. as for me, it's shower time and then cs cram time. and then food!

2 weeks left of clinicals!

2010-05-10T21:38:00.003-05:00

how exciting!

today was a great day...got some major work done on the ward today. my super depressed patient (who is so depressed that s/he cannot even muster up enough will to even POOP at times) did what i said! hahaha...today i said "you have 2 goals today. number 1, get out of bed and watch tv in the day room. number 2, GO TO THE BATHROOM AND POO." not everyday you can tell someone that. and s/he did just so! and i made the patient laugh today! multiple times! super awesome. i really think this patient can be turned around, but it's going to be a long hard road. you just don't recover fast from things like depression, but i believe it can be done.

just an aside, we have a ton of borderline personality disorder patients on the ward. like a TON of them. and they've all made friends with each other. and they all bitch about the food. alas. it's tough to see people struggling with addiction. they delude themselves. they create havoc for their families. lie to everybody. just tough. i'm taking care of a patient in her mid-20s, and it's tough for me. i think, "man, what if i was the one on drugs? what if those times in my life where i had a bad day i had reached for some crack versus go talk it out with a friend?" i just can't help but think about her future should she choose to keep going down this road. i have an uncle that has a meth abuse problem, but i do believe he's in jail now for a long time due to being caught actually making meth. the shake and bake, i think. it would be nice to know that there's hope for his future, but honestly, i haven't seen the man since i was in junior high or so. i wouldn't recognize him now, especially since meth really changes the way you look in a bad way.

ok, back to happier topics!

i had a good weekend too...hung out with H's family and then turned around and hung out with my family. my mom made kimbap, a sort of korean sushi. it was SO GOOD. omg. she makes it like once or twice a year, and i'm so glad to have eaten a ton of it yesterday. and then leftovers today! yay! so for dinner tonight, kimbap leftovers, a lovely salad (with green leaf lettuce, celery, tomato, and strawberry...a HUGE fan of adding fruit to salads), and cheese and crackers! for dessert, a mango blueberry smoothie!

this wednesday i'm on call. friday is my school's mock step 2 cs exam. it will last all day, blah. i hate those things. but i'm more afraid to fail the real thing. it's over $1,000 to take it. alas. and then...MY BIRTHDAY IS ON SUNDAY!!! i will be turning the big 2-5...and I CAN'T WAIT! i LOVE getting older, and this number, 25, is so awesome because it's five squared! a quarter century! i love cool numbers...25 definitely fits the bill.

ok, with all that nerdiness, i think it might be time for me to head to bed. chao peoples!

frustrations, i suppose

2010-05-04T14:40:00.003-05:00

so why is it that a lot of the psych people are trying to convince me to do psych?

today i was attempting to talk to my catatonic patient (who DOES talk to me, but not to most other people, and especially not in public) in front of a bazillion people, the attending says "sometimes we get tattoos for the M3s that say 'psychiatrist' and put them on their faces". i looked at him like "wtf" and he goes "yeah, you should really consider being a psychiatrist!". and i'm like, damn. then i wigged out via text to K who then consulted other friends sitting around the lunch table and they all decided that i need to do surgery, not psych. psych is enjoyable, but so was ob/gyn, so was half of medicine, and maybe some of fam med? if i wasn't going to do surgery, i'd do psych. yes, i like it a lot, BUT, there are some BIG THINGS that are keeping it from being #1. surgery is still way ahead. it's not like an instance where i feel a coin flip is in order. because if it really were like that, 50/50, i'd apply to both residencies and just see what happens. but it's not. and that's that. plus i hate memorizing drugs. too many drugs in psych. WAY too many. and i really don't like the whole "let's throw different meds at you until you're happy/not seeing visions/not trying to kill people" sort of way to fix people. give me a knife, a needle, and some thread. and suction, please. i need to stop thinking about "lifestyle" because WHO KNOWS HOW IT WILL BE UNTIL IT IS.

i might have some wonderful friends come stay with me this weekend. i'm hoping that they decide to come for sure. it would be a nice thing.

i'm excited about dinner tonight...H and i are planning to make some lamb shoulder chops, broccoli, and polenta. SUPER excited!

ok, about to do some world questions. i can't wait to stop sucking at them.

lovely saturday

2010-05-01T10:40:00.005-05:00

ridiculously long post ahead, hahaha!

nice thing about psych...weekends off! this morning i ate a bagel, had some coffee, swept my balcony, took photos of my lovely plants, did some world questions. world, you are the bane of my existence!!! but my plants look lovely! my strawberry plant has a flower on it, my salvia is exploding with blooms, and i think i have tiny limes growing on my lime tree. i repotted my pumpkin plants and hopefully i can train them to go up the railing on the balcony. that would be awesome to have a PUMPKIN this fall! it's raining off and on this morning as well. H is back from his work trip, and i'm happy for that too!

right now i'm watching the "i can't believe i was pregnant" show on discovery. that show is so crazy...i would think a lot of these women are in extreme denial. and how is it that these babies are all born "healthy"? even with the mamas smoking and drinking, etc. alas.

i went and hung out in the cardiothoracic surg clinic this week, and i was totally reminded of why i want to do surgery! saw some cool patients, wished that i could see their surgeries. the ct guys are excited that i'm coming to do a month with them in july. i think i might be the only student to sign up for a ct month? maybe i'm a masochist...haha. it's just that problems within the chest are SO COOL.

psych is still fun, but i experienced some frustrations at the tail end of this week. i realized that i am a "quick fix" kind of gal...long and steady are NOT what i like. you come in with depression, and we give you medicines. you feel better. and better. we get excited! then BAM, you have the major sads again for no reason. for me, this is so aggravating. but for others, it's just part of the treatment process. they don't mind the long and steady. and i just want to bang my head against the wall. other issues, like delusions and whatnot, super cool. but, none of those diseases are easily fixed in the short term. i guess sedation would work, but that's kind of wrong, ha!

M4 schedules are STILL not finalized, but i think mine should come out ok. i'm just lacking one course on my schedule. still haven't heard from away rotations, but those take a while, supposedly. it's going to be balls to the wall, to put it crassly, for the first 4 months of my M4 year. aak! once my schedule is perfected i'll post it here.

also, i got this comment on one of my recent blogs (hi kris! thanks for stopping by!) and thought i would put my thoughts down about it:

Other than surgery being hands on were there any other contributing factors ?
well, i liked being able to see people's INSIDES! to me, being in the OR is so much fun...there's a ton of teamwork involved with doing surgery. and i'm a visual person, and i like seeing how people are put together. and this may sound weird or whatever, but i really appreciate how when the patient is draped and prepped, you can only see what you're working on. people may claim they don't judge or whatever, but we all do it to some extent. i appreciate how in surgery, you just expose what you're working on and get to work. sometimes tunnel vision is a good thing, ha. i found myself getting too emotionally involved during family medicine, etc, and getting upset when patients would flat out lie to my face. i don't like that very much. i don't know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me.

I know that surgery is a challenging specialty - not to say that the other residencies are not - and I know that there's the notion that this is a male-dominated area of medicine. How true is this ? Is close to everyone a gunner ??
i know it's still pretty male-dominated, but i think there are a lot of females coming into the field too. that's not really a concern for me though, i've always done more "boy" things...playing drums in high school, engineering in college, etc. and gunners are in ANY field...you learn how to spot them in college...haha. and then you see more in med school. i enjoyed my surgery rotation a lot...didn't experience too many ill personalities, but then again, there are weirdos in EVERY field. you can't escape them.

I'm still a senior high school so I have a LONG way to go before med school but I'm still interested in hearing about your ambitions.
keep up the good work! and you may surprise yourself with what you like to do. if truly interested in medicine, PLEASE shadow as many different doctors as possible. medicine is definitely not something you should do on a lark...and you can always come to medicine later in life. there is no rule that says you must go straight into medicine after college. so for now, just do a lot of shadowing, work in a hospital, or just volunteer, and do your best in school!

hope this post wasn't too boring...if anyone else out there has questions, i'm super happy to help! and now H is on his way for us to go get some delicious pizza and then workout afterwards...woo!

mini crisis

2010-04-26T20:47:00.003-05:00

not a real crisis, per say, but a lot of thoughts in my head that are semi-racing and irritating me?

i've had a decent day, tried to work on my research from a long time ago and failed miserably at remembering how to work stupid statistics programs, but had a decent day by the end of it. i went to the gym after school, cleaned my kitchen, and made some dinner: leftover cold steak pieces (because i needed protein and was too lazy to reheat it), open-faced wheat bagel with cream cheese, basil, tomato slice and some onion, and 1/4 avocado. it was quite delicious. i feel good now. but i do need to step study. aaak.

maybe if i spell out all my troubles i will feel better? and since this is my blog i can do whatever i want. and H is away on a work trip so i have nobody to talk to.

MONEY. money money money. not "omg i'm going to have tons of debt", but more like "oh $*%& my next loans don't come in until july 7 and clearly my bank account is running dry like NOW". luckily i have things called "mutual fund of emergency money" and "parents". haha...so not a huge deal, but just annoying because i try my hardest to be self-sufficient...that little ego of mine is bigger than i'd like it to be.
health insurance. i turn 25 next month, and from my understanding, the "health insurance until your 26" thing doesn't go into effect until OCTOBER. well, that doesn't help me. so i have to figure out how to get my health insurance from school. it's not going to be too difficult, but just annoying.
specialty choice. now don't get me wrong...i LOVE surgery!!! love it! i can't wait to get back into the OR. SEE SOMEONE'S INSIDES AGAIN. HOLD THE COLON. you catch my drift. but now on psych, i really like it. there's something so interesting talking to someone who is telling you about their visions and what the voices in their head are telling them like it's talking about the weather, or what's for dinner tonight. it's comparing apples to oranges, really. they are so different you can't compare them too well, but i would be lying if i didn't think about things like "i could deal with not doing what i 99.9% enjoy for something with a more defined lifestyle". but honestly, how will i know what ANY lifestyle for me is going to be like? i can't tell the future! i've always managed to find a way that suits me best, so why wouldn't i be able to find the best surgeon job for me? and plus, people who ramble start pissing me off after a while (even though i ramble...haha), and a lot of psych problems involve rambling. and i still HATE clinic. at least in surgery people are silent when it counts...haha. and i'm hands on. psych is most definitely hands off.
step 2. enough said.

ok, i think i've complained enough. hope i didn't bore you. OH, and another reason why i probably can't be a psychiatrist...i am so hypochondriac-y and paranoid about everything...i think it would only make me worse! ok, going to attempt some studying now...bye!

psych is fun!

2010-04-18T16:18:00.002-05:00

i've really been enjoying myself this rotation. i like how you don't have to touch patients. i like how everyone is crazy in an interesting way (or it wouldn't be psych, right?! ha!) and how you have to get buzzed in through two sets of double doors to go in. it's interesting for me to think about who these people are, what they did in their former lives before getting diagnoses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder or drug addiction. inpatient psych is super cool. i could never do psych though, at least not now, because of all the OUTpatient stuff...outpatient clinics just drive me to tears. i get so bored. so i'm thinking, i'm still going to do surgery, but maybe once my technical dexterity goes away or something, i can do another residency in psych and have brain fun for the rest of my career.

my little container garden is doing well so far! i'm quite excited about the possibilities for this summer...hopefully our lime tree will make us a lime or two. i have some little pumpkin plants growing...i hope they can do some magical things as well.

i've been re-inspired to post things on the food blog H and i have. we'll see if i can stick to it, ha. but i should post some things on there...we've been watching the food revolution on hulu and it's really interesting.

and step 2 studying is at a standstill. i seem to do badly on my practice questions no matter what, but i guess slow and steady wins the race, right? also, schedules still are not back yet, and i'm getting antsy to know how about my surgery months will be scheduled. plus i'm planning an away rotation for october and i want to know if that's going to be possible. i've applied to 3 different schools right now, planning on applying to one more. oh yeah, and another one as well. i've been told to not hold my breath on finding out if i've gotten any right now...usually we get notification in june or july or something like that.

as for now, i should get back to studying. and thinking about dinner. and thinking about an outdoor activity, as i have not exercised today. but, i can always go tomorrow, and i went yesterday and had an awesome workout. it's alright to take a day off, right? haha...alas.

first day on psych

2010-04-12T15:20:00.002-05:00

and i was leaving for home at 2:00. today was the best day ever! hahaha, j/k. tomorrow i don't have to show up until 8:30. hopefully i'll get to stay on that particular service, rumor has it the attending T and i were assigned to quit. alas.

it's such a beautiful day outside. H and i were considering biking, but we might go play some frisbee too. is it possible to have M3-itis? because i totally have it now.

we got to tour the psych wards today, and for some reason it just wasn't as i had pictured it. a lot more sterile and brighter than i imagined? it's kind of quaint actually. they have their own laundry rooms and everything!

ok, time for some step 2 studying...but maybe i'll clean out my car first. i should load my bike up just in case we go out and about...

golden weekend of sorts

2010-04-11T12:14:00.003-05:00

family medicine DONE, psychiatry begins tomorrow. looking forward to it...can't wait for the stories!

also, i hate fake patient encounters...but at the same time, they are helpful in a weird way. but still hate them. especially when the patient is going very slowly or purposely hiding info from you. oh well. and this far into the game i still forgot to drape a patient and listening "under" the gown. blah.

this weekend has been great! friday night went out with some friends to a fancy bar in town. had a pear martini, and it was delicious! makes me want to learn how to make it on my own. mixology classes, anyone? then saturday my school hosted a crawfish boil and i had my annual helping of crawfish...yum. there were also bouncy castles and we bounced and flipped around...so much fun! and we also had a battle thing but i lost pretty easily when my opponent squared me in the head. (i was trying to go for her knees but she played dirty...ha.) then we had a potluck sort of dinner/game night. i made curried butternut squash soup and it was pretty good for being completely on the fly. in retrospect i would have liked to have pureed it a bit more to make it more smooth, simmer a bit longer to thicken the soup just a tad, and add coconut milk! i had used cream, which is lovely too, but coconut milk would have sent it over the edge. i thought i had the spices just right...sometimes i forget that when i cook for other people, they might not appreciate spiciness like me and H do, but everyone told me (at least to my face, ha!) that it wasn't overdone and 2 people with sinus issues loved how it cleared them out. oooh, and if i was doing it for real, i would have crushed some peanuts and chopped cilantro or parsley for garnish.

today so far has been relaxing, late breakfast (bordering on the lunch variety), and some cleaning of the bathrooms. also, emptied a whole bunch of expired containers out of the fridge. it feels good to unclog the fridge. for the rest of the day i think will be spent relaxing, STUDYING FOR STEP 2 OMG, and some spot cleaning here and there. and staring at my plants...i can just stare at the for hours...i love coming home in the afternoon and seeing how much they have grown or turned to face the sun or whatever. LOVE IT! i can't WAIT to have my own garden with REAL fruits and veggies!

alright shower time so i can get on with the day...woo!

UGH.

2010-04-07T20:09:00.002-05:00

sorry for the lack of blogging. i've been so utterly bored at school, and then i come home and have to do grunt work or just a ton of socializing. life is hard.

time for a rant about stupid people.

when you have bad diabetes, and are currently on ONE ORAL MEDICATION that is NOT even on its FULL STRENGTH, and you've been checking your blood sugars at home and "notice" that it's OVER 300 for the past few days, and oh by the way your abdomen hurts and you feel pukey, OMG GO TO THE DOCTOR NOW!!! then you end up in the ER in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) with sugars over 700-800 or so. and try to pay attention when the diabetes educator teaches you about how to use insulin (because you WILL be on insulin now, gotta love those shots) and what foods NOT to eat. don't call your cousin to bring you donuts because you don't like hospital food. and when your medical student asks you how you've been tolerating your diet, while she appreciates that you told her she "hates the hospital food" so you had VANILLA ICE CREAM and SWEET TEA instead, OMG ARE YOU STUPID? you are IN THE HOSPITAL because you could not control your blood sugar, but then you decide to keep eating sugar while IN THE HOSPITAL because you don't like the bland food? even after you've been told that if you keep eating sugary food, you'll get an infection in your feet and might have to get them cut off? (more or less!) gotta love that ice cream, it made your sugar blast back up over 400 after the team had gotten it down into the low 200s.

ok, end that rant. this is why family medicine is not for me, sadly.

luckily, my other patient is a sweet sweet lady...her main issue is that she is super morbidly obese...over 500 pounds, pushing 600, and that is causing her some issues with her medical management. i'm sad that tomorrow is my last day to visit with her. such a nice lady, i hope she gets better soon and gets some gastric bypass or something in the future...

so now i'm busy doing stupid busy work for family medicine...all our stuff is due friday and i'm in the midst of procrastinating and doing a terrific job at that. have to finish inputting my patient log, write my H&P, and study for our test...HA. study. what a nice word. i need to get back on the step 2 studying, but i guess that will wait until this weekend.

monday i start psych. woo! that means study time!

2 months left!!!

2010-03-26T08:18:00.003-05:00

i can now say 2 months left in rotation time for M3 year! woo!

i finished up my fam med in my hometown...now just have 2 weeks left, and 1 of those weeks is at the hospital i used to work in the cath lab at. i'm just glad to not have to be driving so much anymore, and i have today mostly off because my preceptor took today off in his clinic. but he's still doing botox at 10 so i'll meet him up to do that. luckily the place is right down the road from me, so not to much driving needed.

i'm tired of being asked my opinion on health care. i really don't care at this point...all i'm focused on is 1) graduating and 2) getting into a residency without having to scramble. honestly. but if you really want to know, 1) yes, i agree that something needed to be done, 2) i would have rather seen reform happen slowly and gradually, and 3) had much more information given out during the debate/decision process. i understand what some of the "big things" are in the bill, but as far as truly understanding all the little things, eh, not so much. big fan of the "no pre-existing conditions can deny you insurance" or something like that. you never know what will happen to you as you age, so that's a comfort to know that you can get something to help your costs. but i'll just leave these thoughts as is...i'm just tired of being asked about it.

a doctor the other day was telling me i needed to drop out of med school because "YOU HAVE NO FUTURE IN MEDICINE"...i almost told him to eff himself and stay the eff out of my business, but i didn't. that's the thing, at my hometown experience, all the doctors i saw (except for 2!!!) were old white men, half of whom were fat...overweight fat, not obese i guess. the other 2 were a black man and a black lady. oh yeah, and 1 white lady. well, all the white men would get together in the mornings and talk shit about whatever in the world was ailing them...well, i don't think they were hurting too much in their fancy shoes and i saw what fancy cars they were driving up in. while watching fo.x news (which i can't stand and am permanently scarred for life for having to listen to it). well, after they'd leave, i'd go and change the channel to cn.n or something...ha! (i don't really care which news i had it on, just not fo.x!) one morning it was on ms.nbc, so i guess that was a pleasant surprise. but anywho, no offense against white men (my father is white! my boyfriend is white! i'm half white! hahaha...), but i guess i'm just tired of hearing rich old white men who haven't had to undergo any sort of prejudice or hardships bitching about how their worlds are going to end because obama is the president and now health care is CHANGING. ummm, as far as i know i woke up this morning and the world was still spinning, so that's that. and you are still going to make your money so you can fly your private plane to the beach every weekend. blah.

sorry about the rant...it just tumbled out of my fingers!

so for today i have some botox to go witness, some gymming, some studying, some school errands, and some hanging out with H to do! it's nice to be back in town again.

a tiny ray of sunshine

2010-03-17T15:49:00.004-05:00

today i got to fish out some damn ear wax out of a person's ear. the first hands on thing i've done in a few weeks. and i got excited. the excitement only lasted about 30 seconds.

what is wrong with me?

in other news, my Tdap vaccine booster i received yesterday is currently doing a number on me...i feel like i have the flu, my arm hurts (which was expected), but my whole body? and i keep feeling lightheaded and i can feel my heart pulsing throughout my body...like if i sit really still i feel like my body is swaying with every heartbeat. or pulsing, rather. and i can see my arms MOVING without me moving them!

also, i want an effing fancy coffee drink and there is ONLY ONE COFFEE PLACE IN THIS TOWN that closes around 5...so i think i might take a shower and make my brother drive me there shortly.

i guess i'm being a whiny baby. why couldn't we have gotten a whole week off for spring break? that makes me sad. only 2 days, boo.

in other news, i've found some programs that i am going to apply for away rotations at...hopefully i'll get 1 so i can satisfy my urge of exploring new land.

crossing my fingers

2010-03-11T20:47:00.004-06:00

here's to hoping that i don't get the puking and shitting virus that's been spreading around my family med clinic the past few weeks...because i sure felt like doo doo today. after lunch i went out to my car, put the windows down, and straight up napped for 30 minutes. i'm such a loser.

so life is easy, been studying for step, and doing lots of driving back and forth. my preceptor also runs a botox clinic in my university med center town, and boy does he get excited about some botox! personally, the only cosmetic procedure i think i would be interested in is the laser hair removal, but it is interesting to watch the botox being done. i think botox is ok when it's done to "slow down" aging just a bit...the person still looks like a NORMAL person that can show emotions, they just aren't as wrinkly. however, the people who flip out because their forehead can still move and it's "not supposed to"? wtf. it just weirds me out. he also does smartlipo and juvederm fillers, so i'm hoping to get to see some of that while i'm there.

so here's my take on the kind of patients that i've been seeing:

problem lists consist of at least 95% of the following: diabetes, hypertension, GERD, hypothyroidism, CAD, PVD, atrial fib, COPD
at least 1/2 are obese
they all say "i hate taking medicines" and their medicine list is like freaking 30 pills long, and they want more
if they smoke, they don't smoke "too much". i mean, i only smoke like 1/4 of my cigarette at a time! i don't even smoke a whole pack!
everyone has sinusitis, so everyone gets antibiotics and flonase spray

here's some of the questions that i ask almost everyone:

what kind of numbers are you getting with your blood pressure?
what are your sugar numbers?
are you still taking all your medicines?

here's a fun conversation:

- so are you checking your sugars at home? your last A1c was 8.7...
- i am doing a great job...i check it about once a week! but i can always tell when my sugar is too high or too low!
- how do you know when it's too low?
- i get shaky and feel like i'm going to faint!
- and when it's high?
- oh, i just know when it's high.
- what happens?
- i just get a feeling.
- what is that?
- (silence).
- you can't normally tell when your sugars are too high, that's why you need to check them everyday to make sure that your medicine is working.
- well, the nurses just checked it and it was 160! that's the lowest it's been!
- 160 is not good...it should be closer to 100.
- but 160 is the lowest it's been in a long time! i'm doing great, see?! i don't need no insulin!
- (smacks forehead).

or how about this:

- your blood pressure today is 160/100...are you taking all of your blood pressure medicines? (proceed to read off medicines.)
- i mean, i take them when i feel like it, but i didn't take them this morning, and oh, hey doc, my back hurts can i have some lortab?

oooh, what about this one?

- so i've been having these weird sensations in my arms and legs...it's not muscle tingling, it's sort of like a twitch but i've never seen them twitch. it's like a pull. yeah, a pull! but it twitches and it wakes me up from sleep and then i rub them and then it tingles...etc...etc...
- ummm...have you started exercising lately? any differences in sensation? you sure you've never seen twitching? changed your medicines lately? etc...etc...
- nothing's changed...no...it's got to be my heart! it has to be circulation, and then when i think really hard my heart is pounding and then i get shaky and then my head starts to hurt and then my neck has this bulge but it's been there forever and oh yeah i stopped my synthroid but that was back in 2009. could it be nerves? i think i have carpal tunnel and i've also been having diarrhea and i don't understand why dr. ___ took me off that medicine and changed it and i don't trust generics so don't give me one of those.
- ummm, why don't i get dr. ___ in here and see what we can do?

yeah, so i can't wait to just be a surgeon, or whatever i become...

family medicine

2010-03-02T21:59:00.003-06:00

omg. private practice is the awesomest!

round in the hospital for an hour or so. clinic starts at 9. lunch is from 12-2. clinic ends no later than 5. oh yeah, and lunch is provided most days of the week. clinic is less than 5 minutes from my parents' house.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

and the patients are CLEAN! BATHED! well, i would say the majority are, at least. ha. some of them try to lose weight! they take their medicines!

granted, i don't think i will be swayed to family med regardless because i'm too much into the procedures and whatnot, but maybe i'll be a private practice surgeon...oooh...

this month is going to be nice. plenty of time to study, access to a 24/7 gym, and a laid back daily schedule.

i've scheduled my step 2 cs finally...july 26. i was peeved that all the weekends were taken, but i guess a monday won't hurt me too badly in the long run.

still trying to decide on my M4 schedule, but i think i'll have it turned in by the end of this week. i hope so at least!

ok, now it's time for bed...gotta get the beauty sleep!

slothiness

2010-02-24T20:32:00.002-06:00

so we had our surgery test yesterday, and let me tell you, it was just a whole lot of suck. but whatever. i saw an early glimpse of my grade to come, and it was just blah. so blah. thanks, self, for knowing how to bring my grade down! alas. so since then i've just been lounging...i've been restarting my knitting and got some really good gear to get me through the next few weeks. i've also started my usmle world question bank today. did 30 questions...and i have to say, they are much better than step 1 questions! i had a dream the other day that i had made a 247...here's to hoping that becomes a reality!

tomorrow i have a "discuss my future" meeting...i'm kind of scared, actually. what's the worst that can happen? they tell me i can't do what i want to do and i gotta think of something else. alas. such is life i guess. so here's to crossing my fingers...

watching the olympics...watching the folks crash or get disqualified or whatever, man, that just makes me so sad. because i know what it's like to fail at something...but at least i got some second chances, right?

friday is our senior planning day. which i am nervous about! but at least i know what i want to do, so that helps a little bit. so many people in my class don't know what they want to do, and it's contagious, the worry. well, can't think about all of them all the time, though i do since we're all friends! i just feel like it's so early to be thinking about NEXT YEAR, but really, it's not next year, M4 year starts july 1! aak! residency applications are due september 1! i heard the rank lists were due today for the M4s. we're all feeling the pressure...no fun.

ok, i'm going to stop whining now and just do some knitting...

what have i done this week?

2010-02-17T21:42:00.002-06:00

this week in particular has been CRAZY! let's recap...shall we?

ex lap ex lap ex lap! (exploring inside someone's belly.)
attempted to do laparoscopic cholecystectomy on a morbidly obese patient, have to convert to open, and yours truly retracts the abdomen UP for a long time...tiring! patient is doing well though, yay!
saw someone's spleen get emergently cut out...those silly spleens do a lot of damage when they got a hole in them...
learned that too much tylenol = super bad liver failure
also learned that gauze directly applied to small intestines and allowed to harden is a bad bad thing...not something i did, but witnessed the aftermath...
had a pt yell at me because he didn't want to see a med student...then called local "hotshot" lawyer with ads on every street corner in town on us! attending chewed out pt for him being rude to me. it was awesome. will i go to court? the pt has no case. who knows! hahaha...crazy people
had a pt refer to his foley as his "pee pee cup". interesting. he crazy too.
oh yeah, and another pt stopped bleeding with flour. FLOUR. F. L. O. U. R. like from the kitchen. why not a bandaid? he said the flour worked better. did not ask if it was AP vs. self-rising...

it's been crazy, but fun too. had a resident tell me that i'm smart and i know my stuff, but i need to learn to not second guess myself. it was such a compliment, but also very good critique of what i need to work on...i know i second guess all the time. i really need to stop that because it's not going to help me out in the long run.

currently on call. may the call gods be nice tonight...so far i've gotten to sew up a scalp laceration in the ER. pretty intense when you got the family watching, ha. it was all good in the end.

and now i will sleep. cardinal rule of being on call is sleep when you can. and i got a shower in already. yay! chao chao!

tired!

2010-02-12T19:48:00.002-06:00

i'm tired tonight. alas. i have to go in and have notes written by 7:00 am...not bad, i don't have to stay for rounds or anything, but i guess it's a bit annoying. but then i have nothing to do on sunday! yay. next week will start either trauma or acute care surgery...only 1 last week of surgery left. then we have a test, and many days off! it's glorious. i have a meeting coming up that i'm a bit nervous about, but i think it will end up being ok.

i have this addiction to sour gummy worms. omg. can't stop!

anyone watching the olympics?

this post is just lame. alas. i wanted to blog, but i'm tired too. so that's lame. also, i really want to go shopping. for cute fun stuff. that i won't wear. because i wear scrubs. or just boring pants + shirt. donde esta the money? blah.

ok, opening ceremony starting...chao!

go saints!

2010-02-07T12:20:00.002-06:00

i'm really excited about today, since i have been a saints fan since i guess i was born. saints by default. i really really want them to beat the colts, i just want them to WIN! i'm going to a party later today, and in the NOLA spirit i'm making a king cake. i'm just hoping it's better than my first attempt, where the filling exploded out and the baby jesus "almond" came out and all. but i think this time will be better. it's currently in its first rising.

i sent an email today to an attending i had on CT surgery who told me "keep me in touch" at the end of my 2 weeks telling him that i have decided on general surgery, more or less. (i didn't say "more or less", ha.) i have spent the last few weeks telling myself that...and i'm becoming more comfortable with the idea...i guess the only thing really holding me back is that i know i'm not a very competitive student, and i'm scared of failing at getting into a residency. the best thing i can do now is just make a wonderful step 2 ck score. after surgery is over this month i will begin officially my step 2 studying. 5 year residency! aaah! so long, BUT when i think about it, if i did anything else, i would specialize. take peds, if i did end up doing peds, i would want to specialize in something, which would add 2-3 years anyway. that would be 5-6 years right there to specialize. so i guess it works out anyway. it's just scary. everything moves so fast in med school, it almost seems unfair that we have to pick as soon as we do. someone i know was going to do internal medicine, and then happened to do a pathology month in JANUARY and then SWITCHED! after he had gone on medicine interviews! so he's gone on 1 path interview at our school, and just hoping that he matches there. 1 interview. switching in january? it's so scary. and they want us to know like now what we want to do. it makes me want to vomit sometimes.

i've gotten really good comments (at least in my opinion) so far. i'm sure most people get good comments, but i guess since i haven't gotten any bad ones, that helps me out? and i don't necessarily know everything that i should, but i get EXCITED!!! ha, i think i scare some of the surgeons because i'm a bit too eager, but i think they appreciate the FUN i bring to the table. i mean, who gets excited about retracting with a damn malleable? ME! haha...

H and i racked the orange wine yesterday, and it's bubbling well. i hope it tastes better than what it tasted like yesterday...haha. it's still got some clarifying to do...

now i'm thinking about lunch...i'm thinking a veggie fried rice...i have broccoli, asparagus, tofu, and rice, so hoping it tastes good. reserving the lovely solitary egg i have for the egg wash on the king cake. and i'm doing a cream cheese filling for it. and glazes with appropriate colored sugars. i'm using orange to flavor everything...blood orange, to be precise. and the COLOR of the juiced blood oranges is quite lovely. LOVELY!

ok, i will start cooking now and then do some reading in between tending to my cake. good day everyone...

post the call

2010-02-03T20:39:00.002-06:00

today has been a post call day...which means i got home before lunch, did laundry, ate, and then slept until H called me around 5:00. then since then i've just been lazing about...i think i'm going to bed soon anyways.

call last night was alright...i managed to get about 4.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but the bed is horrible and i woke up not refreshed. alas. and i was cold. we had 2 bravo pages, nothing incredibly thrilling.

i finally scheduled my step 2 ck tonight...june 11. i hope i'm ready to make an awesome score then, but if i'm not ready, i can push it back. H and i are planning a 2 week vacation to spain in june so i wanted to take my test before we left, and then M4 year starts july 1. i've been thinking about M4 year scheduling...it's a bit daunting. i would love to do 2 away rotations, but at the very least doing 1. problem is, i don't know where yet. i really want to have an advisory type meeting, but i just am not really sure who to go talk to. sounds like i got to visit the med school mama tomorrow during my down time...i also need to meet up with one of the M4s doing gen surg...i need some counseling!

man, that's crazy. i went from wanting to do peds to peds genetics to ob/gyn to gen surg...??? and i'm still not even 100% sure yet? it's a bit scary...i just need to focus on doing well throughout the rest of this year, acing the step 2, and then i can keep on after that. sigh.

what did i do today?

2010-01-27T20:43:00.004-06:00

so what have i done today? let me think...

woke up at 4:00 am. wednesdays are special.
went to the hospital and found out one of my patients died over the night. which was not unexpected. which was sad because i predicted he was probably going to pass away last night, and he did.
stuck my finger in two different butt holes. gotta love the rectal exams!
saw 3 colonoscopies.
passed up the chance to scrub into an EVAR (endoscopic abdominal aortic aneurysm repair) since i have scrubbed TWO OPEN AAA REPAIRS THIS WEEK. oh yeah, i don't think i want to be a vascular surgeon, ha. too much squirty blood.
ate some good lunch. and peach cobbler. oh yeah.
realized that my gastritis/ulcer/whateverthehellitis is starting to act up again. need to buy some PPI to fix that stat.
scrubbed in a laparoscopic gastrojejunostomy and got to DRIVE THE CAMERA! and i didn't get told that i sucked or anything, so maybe i did a good job? it was fun! i'm glad i played all those video games growing up.
got to put down some bandaids on a patient, got overly excited (because i got to do something finally) and the resident laughed a lot.
left the hospital after being there 13 hours. THIRTEEN! there went my gym time. (i'll go tomorrow, no big deal.)
came home and ate some curry chicken with H. yums.

so now i'm laying on the couch and blogging. and i'm sleepy. i'm probably going to bed within the next 10-15 minutes. but i want to watch the state of the union address. or finish it, at least. nancy pelosi blinks too damn much! and joe biden is funny because he keeps grinning and/or clapping at inappropriate moments. and i love how obama is putting some jokes in his speech. it makes it lively. and michelle can do no wrong!

i'm so excited about his weekend...i have the whole weekend OFF! and my school is having a kick ass party on friday with awesome music and good beer. gotta love music and beer. especially after a hard week. but i don't care if the week is hard. i'm telling all the residents and attendings that i really enjoy surgery and that i'm seriously considering it as a career, and so far i've gotten good feedback. this week i got an eval back from my last 2 week rotation and the surgeon commented that i had "good surgical skills". that made me so happy! and i don't care if it's a generic comment, i'm just happy that someone noted that about me.

oh yeah, and i need to put my date down for step 2 CK. i've got my permit, just got to schedule it and start studying like a mofo. i wanna get a 300! hahahaha, i kid i kid. but seriously, i have to do well. for reals.

alright, time to go to bed before i say something weird, but i guess it's too late for that. night!

boo

2010-01-21T18:04:00.002-06:00

i'm having a mid-med school crisis. i don't know what i want to be when i grow up. i just charged $505 on my visa to pay for step 2 ck. (actually, did that yesterday.) what if i suck at that? alas. what if i can't figure out what makes me happy? because they say JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. well, i say WE CAN ONLY DO 6 CORE ROTATIONS M3 YEAR SO HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY. because i'm not at all competitive, i'm going to have to frontload my m4 schedule with rotations in my "desired" field to have a chance. and all the stuff i'm semi-interested in are a touch competitive. UGH.

i like surgery, but do i? are the surg residents bitter EVERYWHERE? do i want to devote that much time to learning a trade? but then there's always the allure of private practice. then there's ob/gyn...i'm so not a girly girl. omg. and i HATE managing chronic conditions. HATE IT. and if i'm going to be a surgeon, i want to be an awesome surgeon who does it all the time. EM? eh...drunk/crazy/whatever people piss me off. gas? then i'd be the surgeon's bitch who sits around and does nothing. i could go on, but i'll stop.

maybe i'm all moody because i'm at the VA. the VA makes me sad. it smells bad and there's a lot of folks who are being kept alive that shouldn't be alive. (sort of like on inpatient peds!) there was a funny moment when my patient went crazy (literally) and had to be transferred to the psych floor. i hope i'm not on his special list...alas. all i can say is, if i were to hear voices, i would come up with a cool name for my voice, and not something generic like "fred" or something. my voices would be named "eskimo pot pie" or "obama rocks your mama" or something..."quetzlquatl". not FRED. come ON.

so now to calm down i'm going to prepare to make mac and cheese. and read about the sigmoid colon. i DO like surgery, but i'm going crazy. and doubting what i like. and what if i suck? or can't get in somewhere? or maybe i'm destined to be something else and I'LL NEVER KNOW. then i'll be miserable forever? or should i just do path? haha, can't do path...would make K mad at me...! j/k.

of cabbages and kings...

2010-01-15T11:20:00.003-06:00

yesterday i scrubbed in to 2 CABGs...coronary artery bypass surgery. TWO OF THEM. BACK TO BACK. my legs still hurt. and i was on call. luckily call wasn't bad. (after i finish this update i'm going to bed.) first CABG lasted from about 8:30-5:00 (8.5 hours?) and then the second one was like 6:00-11:00 (5 hours). that hour or so (i think it was less than an hour between the two) i met up with H who so graciously brought me a sandwich to eat...i sat in his car, crammed down the sandwich, and then ran back to the OR to get scrubbed in to the emergent CABG. and of course the ER folks gave the patient plavix so the pt was bleeding everywhere...i counted at least 4 units of packed rbcs and 2 units of platelets in addition to all the cell saver units. but i learned all about CABGs...they're actually a bit of fun when they let you sew up the leg for the vein grafts and retract the HEART and whatnot. but the sewing of the grafts onto the heart...well...that's boring because 1) you can't see (it's microsurgery basically), and 2) it takes freaking forever. i also learned that a cup of coffee and a granola bar before 6:00 am can last you through 5:00 pm...

my upper level resident gave me a ton of suturing technique tips and advice yesterday...he said i was doing a great job and i'm excited to learn the new technique he showed me. supposedly it will make me faster and look more graceful. but the way i'm suturing now is completely acceptable (it's the way everyone is taught), but i want to learn the "advanced way" because i really like to sew. goodness...maybe i will be a surgeon after all...

weekend laziness

2010-01-10T20:16:00.003-06:00

so by a stroke of luck i was given the whole weekend off, woo! and i got done at noon on friday...i went out to lunch with H and then donated some platelets and packed red blood cells...and puked all over myself. the anticoagulant can make you sick, and i guess i got sick. alas! got to puke in a paper bag like they have in the airplanes. it's all good though...went out that night with friends and had a lot of fun. yesterday just lazed around recovering from all the excitement. plus my mom was running a race and i went out to see her. fun times! but i was so worn out! today i did some reading, went to the gym, and made some KING CAKE! and some loaves of bread...unfortunately my bread loaves look weird, but i'm sure they taste good. the king cake is excellent! i think i ate too much just now...alas...

this is one more week on CT surg...i think there are 2 CABGs scheduled for this week. so another slow week...no complaints from me!

ct surgery

2010-01-06T19:52:00.002-06:00

ct (cardiothoracic) surgery is fun! namely because it is CHILL this week...ha. only 1 surgery scheduled, and it was yesterday. yours truly scrubbed in...it lasted 6 hours! but it was SO COOL to see the HEART PUMPING. AND THEN STOPPED. AND THEN CUT OPEN. AND THEN FIXED. AND THEN RESTARTED. yeah. very very cool. and i got to retract the right ventricle. i was kind of scared. ha. didn't want to rip open the heart. and i was all over the tubes connecting to the ECMO machine...basically the heart/lung machine that pumps the bloods...i love surgery! i love the insides and being able to TOUCH the insides!

today was NOTHING. woo! break time!

tomorrow, my resident is forcing my partner and i to talk to the M1/M2s about what it's like to be a med student on a surgery rotation...ha. shouldn't be too painful, since i like surgery and talking to large groups of people. and free lunch maybe? probably. i'll do almost anything for a free lunch!

happy new year!

2010-01-01T10:41:00.002-06:00

twenty-ten should be a good one...

this year i am expected to:

figure out what i want to do for the rest of my life
somehow pass and superbly ace the STEP 2 exam so i can at least have a shot at getting into a decent residency
fly on multiple planes and interview/suck up to strangers as to allow me to be favorably ranked
hopefully go to SPAIN! this summer
run a 5k with K (i totally am stealing/copying her new year's resolution)

it's kind of daunting when i think about it. but i learned a lot about myself in 2009:

i can survive the first 2 years of med school
i passed STEP 1 so at least i know that that i meet the bare minimum competency requirement of becoming a doctor (so far)
i'm a good M3 student...gotten great remarks thus far
i like surgery type things, and i may not be a pediatrician after all
people can be assholes at conferences and try to call you out while you give your presentation, but eh, what can you say. i stayed in that fancy hotel for free and got to have a nice vacation with H otherwise...
and much much more...

today i'm planning a traditional new year's feast with H. cornbread, black eyed peas, greens, +/- cabbage (i think if you have greens it's ok), some sort of meat and dessert...i'm kind of excited about it!

happy 2010 everyone!

the boredom finally hits me...

2009-12-30T11:51:00.003-06:00

so i'm still in sick recovery...i've nearly cleaned up my room. i've explored all of facebook and read SDN way too many times. (i know, i'm a super nerd for enjoying the SDN forums. hee hee...) i've made bread pudding, loaves of bread, shrimp bisque, mushroom linguine, and fantasized about other items i want to cook. i've replenished my liquor and wine supply and watched enough food network to drive anyone crazy. i've caught up on all the "teen mom" episodes on mtv...don't judge me, i love that series! but now i think i'm bored. i want to go back to school, but not really. still haven't really cemented new year's plans, but that's ok.

i did some shopping yesterday and got some on sale sweaters. that makes me happy. i did get a wallet and BOOTS. everything else can wait...can't do too much at once. i could do laundry. oh yeah, and the ironing...blugh.

alright, fixing up lunch and then will deliver it to H. fun stuff!

happy holidays and oh yeah i'm sick

2009-12-28T09:41:00.002-06:00

this happens to me every time we have an "extended break"...i get a cold. alas! for the past few days i've been runny nosing, sneezing, coughing (productive), blah feeling...alas. i thought i shouldn't get RSV again after having it with the children, so maybe an adenovirus? blah!

holidays were nice...got to see all my friends and H's friends and respective families. i am the proud owner of black pumps and whatnot...my mom went a bit overboard in getting me professional shoes but methinks it's ok in the long run. i'm waiting on K to be done with her morning stuff so we can spend the day shopping and possibly lunching. (i need to return one of the black pairs of shoes for brown...i always forget about BROWN!) i'm keeping my eyes open for cardigans (i'm old), tights (i'm regressing), sweater(s) for H, and whatever else catches my fancy. oh, a wallet. a part of me would love a charcoal gray nice winter coat that i could wear to interviews and nice events...so maybe i'll look out for that too. but mostly it will be nice to travel about town with friends and window shop.

this week i'm hoping to get back to school and volunteer some hours on L&D. i liked it, but am i liking surgery more? i also need to do a thorough cleaning/organizing of my apartment. it's my goal before the new year begins to have a clean apartment! ha, wonder if it will really happen...

sorry posts have been sparse, but i'm on vacation. ha!

on vacation!

2009-12-21T15:44:00.002-06:00

two weeks of doing NOTHING unless i want to do something. christmas shopping is done and wrapping almost complete.

i really enjoyed plastics...i think i would love being a plastic surgeon for reals!

now i am going to lay on couch and watch tv, or nap, or whatever. i don't have to do anything! well, except get my tire patched. it's currently got a nail in it, alas...

gangrene is the worst smelling shit ever

2009-12-13T15:49:00.004-06:00

yesterday i was on call again...7 am to 7 am sat-sun. no prob. it was pretty slow, actually. first page was an alpha (which means get your butt down here NOW)...unfortunately the patient had already expired en route but the ER went through the ACLS code algorithm anyway. it was surreal...strange to watch, but at the same time i needed to watch it. first code i've witnessed as an med student. then we had some really long stretches of nothing. i knitted a lot, and i think i'm nearly done with my scarf. (i've been knitting this thing for about 3 years now i think.)

i went to bed around 10:00 pm or so, and wasn't paged until 4:30 am! i can't believe it! i actually woke up every few hours out of instinct i guess to check my trauma pager to make sure i hadn't slept through anything, but i'm really good at waking up to outrageously loud annoying beeps. i keep the pager right next to my head while i'm sleeping so i wake up pretty quickly. evidently there were 2 surgeries that were about to go: an open appendectomy and debridement of fournier's gangrene.

the open appy was already rolled back, so my call partner scrubbed in that one since i had already scrubbed in a case. so i waited for the fournier's. basically that's when a dude's scrotum and associated area becomes infected with GANGRENE and turns black...it's a total emergency and the only solution is to cut all the nasty out. omg, when the patient was finally rolled back, the stench was AWFUL. i can't even describe it...the worst smell ever, like poop and sewage sludge and rot and dead stuff all rolled into one. one of the residents told me to remember that smell because "that is the smell of death" because, well, the tissue is literally dead and rotting away. it was blackish brown and dripped juices. i even put cinnamon oil on my mask to help deaden the smell and it DID NOT work! everytime we had to move the patient, a waft of horrible stench would come out on top of the base layer of stench. the fifth year resident who went to task debriding the wound, well, he has a nose of steel. i couldn't have done that. i had to step back and just hold my gag reflex in check. (one of the ER nurses earlier told me "now you get to decide whether you want to dry heave or blow chunks!" in response to my musing of whether or not i should grab some food before the case.) the sight of it was gross, definitely, but the smell. omg the smell. ugh. the trauma attending goes MED STUDENT GO IN THERE AND HELP OUT! then he laughed. so i did just that, took some scissors and cut out a chunk of foul, dropped it in the bucket, and then said "ok, i'm a pansy, i can't handle it. look, i got juice on my hands (gloved, of course), so that means i experienced it, right?" the attending laughed some more and was like "ok you're good, but the smell, it's nothing!" then he took his mask off and sucked in a HUGE BREATH...everyone in the room just groaned. he must have a defective nose or something. so after that, i just stood by the scrub tech's table and watched from afar. after about an hour of torture, a different resident asked me to scrub out and print out some admission orders, which i gladly did, and then it was time for me to leave (thank goodness).

the worst part about it all? the smell seeped through my gloves and got on my HANDS. no juice on my hands, but the SMELL. omg. i had to wash my hands so many times to just get rid of the smell, and i'm still having horrible thoughts about the stench. i hope the patient is ok, but in reality, he's not going to be ok. he was really sick going into the surgery, and from what i could tell, he'll end up with a colostomy (where he poops in a bag outside his abdomen) and some sort of stent or tube or something in his bladder area because even though i couldn't see the penis (due to the ginormous scrotum that was all swollen with infection), i can assume they probably had to cut it off or do some serious damage to it.

so note to self: keep all your parts clean! stay as healthy as possible!

after i got home i had some breakfast with H, read some magazines for free, visited with K, napped, gymmed, and ate lunch/dinner. i suppose i should read some now. one more week of plastics then 2 blessed weeks of winter break! yay!

plastics

2009-12-10T21:12:00.002-06:00

just a quick check in to say that I LOVE PLASTICS! it is SOOOOO COOL! tomorrow i get to see a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgeries, but this whole week has been pretty much non-cosmetic stuff. reconstructive. hand surgeries. SO NEAT! and wound care...skin grafts! this week i got to use the bovie to cauterize blood vessels and use a scalpel to take off granulation tissue and use a dermatome to make skin grafts! how much fun!

so yeah, just wanted to let y'all know...also on trauma call again on saturday...wonder what else i'll see...!

first trauma call

2009-12-06T20:04:00.003-06:00

trauma call was interesting, fun. the weather was appropriately icy so we basically just had car crash victims. scrubbed in an abdominal aortic aneurysm repair! super long, blood squirting everywhere...even got yelled at by the attending but who cares. didn't really bother me because he was screaming like a toddler for a piece of equipment that wasn't going to be life or death at that moment. but now i know what it looks like, ha. won't dilly-dally for 10 extra seconds next time. not my fault the scrub tech couldn't get to it...don't put the retractors next to med student! got to do a lot of peds surgery consults too. dare i say it...i really enjoyed peds surgery! i don't want to move on. if you told me that i had to be a pediatric surgeon, i think i could do it. it just takes so long to get to that point, and it's so competitive...and i'm so NOT competitive at this point...oh well. next up is plastics. (this is the kind of stuff that gets me down sometimes...i know my path through med school happened for a reason, and i feel like i'm a better person now for it, but i feel like it's going to really limit me when the time crunch for residency selection begins. who knows. blah!)

so i spent the majority of today sleeping after i got home. now i'm craving a pb and j sammich. i think i'll make myself one and then lay on the couch some more. i've been so lazy, which is nice for once. i can't wait for christmas break...i want to get back to the L&D suite for a few hours, but really i'm just getting more and more confused. i feel like my personality fits in more with the surgery females moreso than the ob/gyn females, but blah. it's still too early in the game.

enough of this! eating time...

woo!

2009-12-03T21:09:00.004-06:00

today was super cool! surgeries were long, BUT, wait for it...

I HELD A KIDNEY IN MY HANDS! AND IT HAD A WILM'S TUMOR IN IT! OMG OMG OMG!

we had a radical nephrectomy case for a kid with a humongous wilm's tumor (that had been shrunk significantly by radiation and chemo). i got to see this kid a few weeks ago when i was on peds hem/onc. the tumor then was so huge you could plainly see it sticking out of the abdomen. in general, wilm's tumor is very curable, and the type this kid has is a "better" subtype, if that makes any sense.

~~tomorrow is a CHOLEDOCHAL CYST REMOVAL! even more rare than wilm's! omg omg omg! i am super stoked!~~ evidently that was in clinic...alas!

am i weird in that i'm actually excited to be on call (not really excited, but more looking forward to being able to suture, or hopefully suture). haven't done much on peds surgery because they don't like us students to "practice" on babies where everything is so precise. i don't blame them. i wouldn't want an M3 practicing/learning technique on my baby...but i'm still learning so much by watching. but on call, maybe there's some lac or something that will need to be sewn up that an M3 can do...i've been practicing my knots and suturing this week...i've sewed on a lemon and a magazine (it was just laying there).

ok, bedtime. i should have gone to bed at 8:30, alas. didn't see the sun at all today. 13 hour days are grueling...

what i did today

2009-12-01T20:46:00.003-06:00

today i got to school at 5 am. i left at nearly 6 pm. fought traffic all the way home. my feet hurt. but today was AWESOME! i was the only med student there, so that meant i got to scrub into everything. still haven't been able to do anything past retracting or cutting sutures, but it's super cool to finally see stuff i've only read about in notes, etc.

surgeries i scrubbed in today:

chemoport placement
another chemoport placement
laparoscopic liver biopsy and g-tube placement
anal polyp removal
omphalocele removal and belly button creation
umbilical hernia repair
exploratory laparotomy (and i got to feel intestines for the first time)

super cool. i'm really enjoying myself...i can't wait for when i finally get a chance to do something more, but for now it's really fun to watch. i like scrubbing in...i know, i'm weird. haven't been asked too many questions, and my team is super cool. they've been so nice to me so far...just don't want to disappoint, ha.